There are a lot of things I would do before giving my parents control over my dating life. For instance, I think I would happily gouge my own eye out with a fork, feed my finger into a pencil sharpener, or, I don’t know, listen to the complete works of Yani and Kenny G while doing my taxes and having a raging case of diarrhea. And I don’t just say this because my mom is dead and my dad makes lists of pros and cons about the women he’s into and leaves them around the house for me to find. I also say this because there are some important factors I consider when dating someone that I might not want to talk about with my parents.
She’s taken meddling motherhood to a whole new level.
Geri Brin is so anxious to marry off her 31-year-old son, Colby (pictured), she’s launched a Web site where she and other parents can find perfect matches for their single kids.
“I’ve been fixing my son up for about five years,” said Geri, an Internet entrepreneur who works with Colby on the Upper East Side.
“I even set him up with the saleswoman at the upholsterer I used to re-cover my sofa. I figured I might as well cast a wide net to increase his odds of finding the right woman since he’s not hitting the jackpot on his own.”
Colby is not at all surprised by his mother’s latest project.
“One thing about my mom,” Colby joked, “she has perseverance. I can picture her on her death bed . . . choking out the words, ‘Colby, did you call that girl?’ before fading into darkness.”
Colby seems very cute, and has a sense of humor about this, which I certainly appreciate, but sweet Lord does this set off those pesky boundary issues sirens. And just wait, it gets better:
Colby isn’t the least bit embarrassed about being fixed up by his mom.
“Look, I’m a Jewish guy who grew up in New York,” he said.
“Obviously, I’m a momma’s boy. Who are you kidding?”
Wow. So who’s excited about dating Jewish boys in New York now?
My thing is this: if you go out with a guy on this site, you have to assume that he’s going to go right home afterwards and dish to his mom. And you know what I don’t want to be thinking while making out with my man? I wonder how he’ll describe this to his mom. BLECH. (Also: Colby works with his mom? Would she have to come on the date, too? Does she have to approve of your outfit before you’re allowed out with her son? So many awkward questions.)
Related anecdote: One time, my grandmother was at a luncheon, and she started talking to another woman who had a grandson. Eventually they exchanged grandchildren’s contact information, and the next day my older sister got an email from a stranger entitled Grandma Knows Best. The guy turned out to be kind of lame. Are you shocked? Yeah, I thought not.