One of my many pet peeves is celebrities who take up Judaism like it’s a hobby. Let’s review, people: Judaism is a RELIGION. If you need something to do in your spare time try jigsaw puzzles, or taxidermy, or curling. Judaism is about providing meaning to your life, and a connection to your history. It’s not about loving Zabar’s.
Apparently Jon Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 (anyone else think it should be called Jon+4 and Kate+4 now?) lives on the Upper West Side of Manhattan these days, so perhaps I’ll have a chance to explain all to his face. Because he seems to be really really confused about what Judaism’s all about. Check out these head-scratchers from his latest interview at Parentdish.Â (I can’t be positive, but my guess is these make a lot more sense if you’ve been guzzling the Manischewitzâ€¦)
On Celebrating Jewish Holidays:
“This is the first year I will celebrate Chanukah. Hailey is Jewish. Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney. I love it. I’m now half Jewish and half Korean. The family values are greatâ€¦ I just went through Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur and learned about the new year and every Friday is the Shabbat dinner. I love challah bread. I’m learning about Jewish food, going to Zabar’s. I love that place. I’m learning about kosher and when not to order a bacon, egg and cheese and make an ass of myself. Hailey makes fun of me. My mom came to the city on Yom Kippur and asked where all the traffic was. I got from the West Side to Midtown in five minutes. She wants to come to the city every year on Yom Kippur.”
I talked to Rabbi Shmuley a couple of times. He has nine kids. I was really nervous dating a Jewish girl. She’s like the best girl ever. All my friends are like ‘I’m so jealous’ and I’m like, ‘Stay away, she’s mine.’ She’s the rock of my life.
I have a therapist. But hanging around Jewish people you don’t need to talk to anyone else. My parents and grandparents are divorced and I want to break the pattern. I have Hailey and Mark Heller, my attorney, my therapist. They’re all Jewish. I watch them and I confide in them, especially Hailey. She is my best friend. She’ll tell me if I do something wrong. God has put these people in my life for a reason. My inner circle is Jewish. I only care what they think.
Since you care so much about what Jews think, Jon, can I, as a Jew, let you in on a little Jewish wisdom? You sound like a complete whack-a-doo, and we don’t need any more of those in our people.
Pronounced: KHAH-luh, Origin: Hebrew, ceremonial bread eaten on Shabbat and Jewish holidays.
Pronounced: KOH-sher, Origin: Hebrew, adhering to kashrut, the traditional Jewish dietary laws.
Pronounced: shuh-BAHT or shah-BAHT, Origin: Hebrew, the Sabbath, from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday.
Pronounced: yohm KIPP-er, also yohm kee-PORE, Origin: Hebrew, The Day of Atonement, the holiest day on the Jewish calendar and, with Rosh Hashanah, one of the High Holidays.