The Torch explores gender and religion in the Jewish community. Named for Deborah the Prophetess, "the woman of torches," the blog highlights the passion and fiery leadership of Jewish feminists, while evoking the powerful image of feminists "passing the torch" to a new generation. Disclaimer: All posts are contributed by third party authors. JOFA does not assume responsibility for the facts and opinions presented in them.
Ten years ago I got that call. My dear friend called to tell me she was pregnant. I wish my reaction would have been to do a happy dance, to jump up and down with inspired tears streaming down my face. I love her. She is an extraordinary, caring, wonderful human being. Any child of hers I will naturally adore.
The tears that flowed that day were not ones of joy. The pain in her quivering voice shook up my world. She was single and in her early 20s. The man in her life was not good father material. She had dreams, but they didn’t include motherhood just yet. Perhaps most of all, she was ashamed. Ashamed to be a nice Jewish girl, from a nice Jewish family, with no ring on her finger but two lines on the test.
My heart broke with hers. I felt helpless. We wept together, grieving. She felt like she only had one real option. Soon she was pregnant no longer.
Fast forward three years to 2008. I’m now married. I have been trying for months to get pregnant with no success. Each successive negative pregnancy test makes me sadder. I am also trying to figure out what I should do next with my life. I need a change.
One morning in May 2008, I arrive early at my office. My mind is clear and open. I spontaneously start to pray. “God, there are so many issues to care about and work on. Clean water worldwide. Defending Israel. Fighting poverty. Promoting democracy. What do you want from me?”
That call. Suddenly new ideas start pouring through my fingertips onto the screen in front of me. I think back to that call. What if, what if, what if? What if she had sought support to have the baby? Where could she have turned? Her boyfriend and family were not able or ready to embrace her pregnancy. As her friend, I had felt overwhelmed. I had no resources to offer. But what about the Jewish community? Are there any non-denominational American Jewish resources for pregnant women in crisis?
The answer was no. And so began the journey to create “In Shifra’s Arms.” Six years later, we’ve helped pregnant Jewish women from all around the United States, both single and married, from unaffiliated to Orthodox, ranging from their late teens to their early 40s. Their needs are emotional and economic, financial and social. We offer them professional, practical, and compassionate specialized social services. Sometimes we work with them for a call or two, sometimes over a two-year period. Over and over, they share their gratitude that they can count on the Jewish community and not feel judged.
Unbeknown to me, that morning when the inspiration hit, my struggle to become pregnant myself had already ended. Eight months later I was blessed to become a mother. Perhaps this was bashert, meant to be. While one woman’s struggle with infertility might seem like the opposite of another woman’s unplanned pregnancy crisis, the truth is that both women share much in common. Both must face their own vulnerability. Both have the potential to discover their own strength and resilience. And if either is going to bring a baby into the world, she is also going to need a lot of support.
READ: Lonely in a Crowd of Strollers
This week, Jews around the world will read about our organization’s namesake, Shifra. She is one of the two midwives discussed at the beginning of the book of Exodus, this week’s Torah portion. In those dark days of slavery in Egypt, the Jewish people must have felt both powerless and hopeless.
I imagine how Shifra would have brought comfort and tenderness as she cared for each pregnant Israelite. She could not change the circumstances around them. Yet her indomitable faith in the future must have empowered and strengthened each woman who sought her help.
READ: How Two Midwives Tricked Pharaoh
It is time for the Jewish community to follow Shifra’s example and embrace vulnerable pregnant women among us so they do not need to struggle in silence. In Shifra’s Arms is answering that call. We want every Jewish woman in the United States to know we’re here if she needs us.
Learn more about In Shifra’s Arms and share our new video, “So you’re pregnant.”