A Conversation on Being Champions of Memory


Last week our Boston community sat down for a conversation with Ayala Katz, mother of one of the victims of the 2009 Tel Aviv LGBT youth center shooting.
 Jayne Guberman, a founding member and mentor for the Keshet Parent & Family Connection, moderated the conversation with Ayala about their shared experience parenting LGBTQ children, Ayala’s fierce LGBTQ rights activism in response to her son Nir’s tragic death, and the strength she and her family draw from one another.

The program opened with a d’var Torah from Rabbi Matthew Soffer from Temple Israel of Boston. We know you will find his words inspiring. 

On behalf of our Temple Israel community, and our Equality and Inclusion Team here, I’d like to thank Keshet and Idit Klein for the honor of hosting this gathering.

I’m not one to think that spaces are inherently holy… as people who have davvened (prayed) in bars with me know full well. Synagogues are only as holy as their actions and impact prove them to be.

I’m a rabbi at this congregation, but I’m also an individual who was raised as a little brother to someone who grew up in a Jewish community in which he couldn’t share his identity until he left.

If only he could have found a time machine and flown back to future to the present, because of Keshet, he wouldn’t have had to play “catch up” on all the love that he lost from the Jewish community.

10668844_10152597006359123_6631014068707235258_oA teacher of mine (the great Jewish liturgist Dr. Larry Hoffman) taught me to think of Judaism not just as a “religion” or a tribe, not even just as a people, or a people – but as a conversation. Judaism is a Conversation.

I wanted to just open this Conversation with a word of Torah, from our Scripture – because I think it has everything to do with why we’re here. The word of Torah from this week’s portion pertains to memory.

It’s in this week’s parasha, parashat Ki Teitzei, we encounter a famous and disturbing mitzvah.  Deuteronomy 25:17 reads: “Zachor eit asher asah l’cha Amaleik baderech b’tzeitchem mitzrayim…” “Remember what Amalek did to you on your journey, after you left Egypt. How, undeterred by fear of God, he surprised you on the march, when you were famished and weary, and cut down all the stragglers in your rear.”

Our parasha is saying to us: remember what happened to your people, at the very point at which you were most vulnerable! And when are we supposed to remember this horror?

Our text continues: “V’hayah b’haniach Adonai Elohecha l’cha mikol oy’vecha misaviv…” “When the Eternal your God grants you rest from all your enemies around you, in the land that the Eternal is giving you as a hereditary portion you shall blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven. Do not forget!”

When are we to remember? When we are… home. Safe.

This space, Temple Israel, is as safe a space as any. And still it’s mandated that when you’re feeling safe, when you’re protected, THAT’S precisely when you are to remind yourself about your vulnerable past. Perhaps that’s because we know that if just “sit back and relax” and let the story of today happen without our voice and our past, then ignorance and hatred will start growing like weeds.

In Judaism, we don’t have a word for history. Today the Hebrew word for history: HISTORIA. (The first phrase I learned in my year of study in Jerusalem was “zeh lo big deal!”). History is what happened in the past and it remains in the past. It’s passive. In Judaism we have ZIKARON, memory. Memory is something entirely different. Memory is ACTIVE. What distinguishes memory from history is that it’s wedded to responsibility.

Memory is how we carry our story into the future. Memory enables us to hold and preserve a tragic past in our heart and then with our hands build a future that changes the story, that adds healing and wholeness to the narrative that will be read about us in ages to come.

Simply put, we are at our best when we are champions of memory.

I’d be remiss if I failed to mention that we – Temple Israel and Keshet – are currently in a state of mourning. Just yesterday we observed here a funeral of a beautiful human being named David Passer.  A champion of Keshet, a leader at Temple Israel, and the Executive Director of Shir Tikvah in Weyland. David and his husband Marc made history – and memory – when they courageously became the first same-sex couple in our Commonwealth to join a Temple community as a family.

Many of us sat Shiva yesterday or today at Shir Tikveh. I lift this up because if it weren’t for David’s memory, the Conversation that is Judaism here in Boston and the Commonwealth might still be years behind where it is now. That’s because David was a champion of memory. Keshet is a big open tent filled with champions of memory; folks embracing memory to transform the world as it is into the world as it should be.

10572131_10152597007289123_2297184364043410804_oAyala Katz is a champion par excellence of memory: thank you for being our teacher on this day. This space is blessed to have you here.

We are blessed to be having this Conversation – a conversation about equality and inclusion, about what love really looks like, a conversation about hope.

Thank you.


A special thanks to 
Temple Israel Boston
 for partnering with Keshet for the event and to our cosponsors: 

ADL New England, 
CJP – Greater Boston’s Jewish Federation
Congregation Kehillath Israel
Eshel
Family Equality Council
Gann Academy
GLAD (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders)
Greater Boston PFLAG
JCDS, Boston’s Jewish Community Day School
Jewish Big Brothers Big Sisters of Greater Boston
Jewish Community Centers of Greater Boston
New Israel Fund
Prozdor & 
Solomon Schechter Day School of Greater Boston.


Visit www.keshetonline.org/supportfamilies for more info about our program for parents and family of LGBTQ Jews.

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