Rachel Stern Talks About “Ban the Bar Mitzvah”

Rachel Stern with children

Rachel Stern with her soon-to-be b’nai mitzah twins!

Earlier this week, Jewish parenting website kveller.com, a sister blog here on MyJewishLearning.com, published a blog post by rabbinical student Patrick Aleph critiquing contemporary b’nai mitzvah ceremonies. Aleph makes some interesting points, and his eventual conclusions are not as radical as the post’s title and opening paragraphs would imply.

It got us thinking here—and for comments on the provocative piece, we turned to our own Rachel Stern, ISJL Director of Education.  Rachel, in addition to her credentials and experience as a Jewish educator, will celebrate the b’nai mitzvah of her twins, Gabe and Lainie, later this month.  My conversation with her is transcribed below, lightly edited.

Josh Parshall: Let’s start with the article. What parts of what he wrote made the most sense to you?

Rachel Stern: What I think is most valid is his recognition that this relatively new construct  has become this huge explosion.  I mean, that definitely resonated with me, that this whole bar and bat mitzvah celebration entity has gone way beyond what it was designed for and has kind of lost its initial purpose.

American Judaism has created this construct of bar and bat mitzvah.  When Aleph talks about the pop culture, I come from a community with a large Hispanic population, so it almost looks as if the Jews wanted to have their own Quinceañera, or a kind of sweet sixteen—like we asked, “What can we do to assimilate these Jewish teens into society? How can we create something special—oh, and connect it to the synagogue?”  It’s clever and appalling at the same time, the way that we do it now. Using the bar or bat mitzvah as a carrot for a family is both good and evil.  It’s good because it just creates another Jewish memory for kids and for a family, and it’s evil because all of a sudden it’s about the party and the gifts and—it reminds me very much of Chanukah.  This minor holiday is given this major focus by Jewish families because we want it to be sexy and cool, just like Christmas.  So we’ve taken something that doesn’t have tremendous significance and made it way too significant.

Posted on January 14, 2013

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