You Can Have Them

If there are any buyers out there, I have a couple of Jews for sale. Frankly, they’ve worn out their welcome and I don’t really have any use for them anymore. We’re selling on the cheap, so it could be a good investment!

1) Dr. Laura: Okay. I know what you’re thinking. Why would anyone want to buy Dr. Laura after her rant on her radio show this week repeatedly screaming the n-word? But hear me out. The people have a short memory. In a couple weeks, no one will even remember this story. Plus, we’re selling for cheap. Just give me a couple of baseball cards and a Starbucks gift card, and we got a deal.

2) Roman Polanski: Yeah, he might have been freed from his Swiss jail but that doesn’t mean he is welcome at my this high holidays. We’re willing to give up credit for his great films. I think that deal is a steal.

3) Orly Taitz: This one was a tough call. Because next time I’m in Southern California and new an emergency root canal, I wouldn’t be able to call my dentist, and queen of the birther movement, Orly Taitz. If anyone from Kenya is willing to buy her, you get 10% off.

4) Jonah Goldberg: This conservative writer annoys the hell out of me. And who honestly writes a book called Liberal Fascism? You’re a jerk and no one likes you (yes, I’m throwing out petty, 5 year old insults). But on the bright side, you’d still get to hang out with your girl Orly Taitz.

5) Pauly Shore: Still haven’t gotten over
Bio-Dome
. Sorry buddy.

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