I Don’t Roll On Shabbos!

Like most Jews, I love The Big Lebowski. It’s just so freaking fantastic. If you haven’t seen it, go get it, immediately. If you have Netflix, you can watch it online for free right now.
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Everyone I know has been emailing around a link to The Big Lebowski screenplay converted into Shakespearean language, and people, it really is genius. I haven’t had a chance to read through it in its entirety yet, but I present to you the Shakespearean version of Walter’s “I don’t roll on Shabbos!” speech:

DONALD
Wherefore thou playest not at ninepins on Saturday, Sir Walter?

WALTER
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy.

You can watch the original scene for free on hulu, but be forewarned there is some serious foul language, so if swear words offend you, stick with Shakespeare’s take.

Oh, and good Shabbos!

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