You used to text and FaceTime all the time. Sit together at lunch. Hang out outside school. Share everything. But now… It’s different. You might feel distant, awkward, or even silent when you’re together.
Friendships can play a really important role in your sense of belonging and connection. But sometimes friendships can shift over time and that can feel scary. In high school, I learned that friendships change and that’s completely normal. As we grow, our interests, values, and priorities can often shift as well. You might have a new interest that your friend doesn’t share, or they might be prioritizing different things than you. That doesn’t mean either of you did anything wrong—it just means that your relationship is changing. And even though that can often feel confusing or sad, it’s a natural part of life.
Some friendships just end slowly over time. Others end intentionally—sometimes even dramatically. But a dramatic end doesn’t mean the friendship wasn’t valuable; it could be that emotions ran high because the connection mattered to both of you. Whether it’s a falling-out or a slow drift, friendships can sometimes end when they’re no longer a good fit for who you are or who you are becoming.
I’ve gone through two major friendship shifts in recent years, and while they were tough in the moment, they ended up being important turning points for me. Looking back, those changes made space for healthier, more meaningful friendships over time. Distancing from friends who no longer shared my interests or values allowed me the space to grow closer with people who share those interests and values and can help me grow into a stronger aned more confident version of myself.
Sometimes friendships are formed out of convenience like sitting next to someone in class or being on the same team. But as the context changes—new schools, different priorities or shifting schedules—those friendships might change too, and that’s okay. It’s also okay to explore new connections and new relationships as you grow and change.
Still, the ending of a friendship can often bring up a lot of feelings such as sadness, guilt, confusion, and sometimes even anger. Here are a few ways to cope with those feelings:
1. Acknowledge that it’s okay to miss what you had
You can miss someone even if the friendship wasn’t meant to last. It is normal to miss the friendship you used to have even if there was a falling out or drama. On the other hand, if the friendship didn’t have a clear falling out, you might be grieving an ambiguous loss. That lack of closure can be unsettling. It is okay to feel sad and to miss the version of a person who may no longer fit into your life.
2. Recognize the signs of change
Sometimes, the signs are subtle:
You talk less often, and when you do, it feels forced.
Your friendship feels forced, like an obligation instead of something fun.
You only bond over past memories and don’t have good times in the present.
It doesn’t always mean the friendship is over, but they can often be signs that it’s evolving, or maybe that you’re outgrowing it.
3. Make peace with the shift and acknowledge your emotions
Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try to reflect on what the friendship gave you. Think about how you grew during that time.
You can even try journaling and answering some or all of the following questions:
What did this friendship teach me?
What parts of myself did I discover through it?
What would I want to thank them for?
Writing a letter is a great technique that can help you feel better about the change. Writing a letter you never send can also help you process unresolved feelings—whether it is gratitude, grief, or even frustration. Just putting it into words can often bring a sense of closure.
4. Leave the door open—or close it
Not every friendship has to be totally cut off after ending. After time and growth, some people can reconnect in a healthier, more authentic way. If that feels right, you could reach out with something simple like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you. How are you doing?” But if the friendship ended for good reasons—especially if it felt one-sided or harmful— it is okay to walk away and keep moving forward. Ending a friendship with intention is a valid, healthy choice. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.
You are allowed to change. You are allowed to outgrow old connections. And when you do, you’ll realize that the right people for the next chapter of your life will often find their way to you as you make new connections and build new friendships. Remember, it is okay to respect your feelings, allow friendships to change and be at peace with transitions. Just because someone isn’t in your life the way they used to be doesn’t mean that they won’t have a place in your heart. Change is part of growth and every relationship teaches you more about connection and the kind of people you want to surround yourself with as you continue to grow.
