Question: Hi, I’m in a friend group but one of our friends stopped hanging out with us this semester. She is still interested in being our friend because she wants to go on long excursions with us but we just don’t have time. She turns down all offers to hang out in our neighborhood even for short amounts of time. When we asked her why, she said she wasn’t in the right headspace. We’re getting really worried about her because it seems like she is isolating herself and just wants to be alone all the time. We want to confront her about it but are scared that she will feel embarrassed or even deny it. What can we do?
Answer: This is definitely a difficult question, thank you for reaching out. It’s important that you recognize that your friend needs help. I think the best thing to help your friend is for her to see a mental health professional. However, you may need to gently nudge her in the right direction. I would suggest inviting her to something low-key in the neighborhood and gently and casually mention that you are worried about her.
Remember that you are her friend and not a mental health professional! Don’t feel stressed if she doesn’t listen to you because it isn’t your job to fix her. The best you can do is give her support and let her know that you are there for her. You might need to tell an adult if you’re worried and she isn’t doing anything for herself. Trusted adults can range from your therapist to your mom or even your favorite teacher!
Instead of “gently nudge,” here are some other ways to support her:
- Don’t give up on her and continue to reach out, even if she keeps turning you down.
- Maybe instead of asking her to hang out, just chat with her on text and see if you can keep a connection going that way.
- Sometimes we need to follow someone’s lead for a little bit. Let her know that you are there for her even if you aren’t hanging out!
Here are some ways to care for yourself while trying to help a friend:
- Engage in hobbies, exercise, or relaxation techniques to maintain your own mental health.
- Set boundaries to protect your own well-being.
- Remind yourself that you can support your friend without taking on their struggles as your own.
- Seek support from others, like a counselor or trusted adult.
- Talking to someone can help you process your feelings and find healthy ways to cope.
- Take time for self-care activities that recharge you.
Been There is a peer advice column to help teenagers like us navigate their struggles with advice from older teenagers and peers rooted in the importance of self-care, while reminding you that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Truth, advice, and support from someone who gets it.
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This advice column is provided for informational purposes only and does not qualify as professional advice.
If you or someone you know is in an immediate crisis, please contact 911. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 988 (call or text).
