Question: Okay, I know this may sound dumb but how do you make friends in high school? It seems everyone has their own friend group already. I know this is something that can be changed because I’ve seen people who literally get along with anybody they talk to, whether they first met or have known for a few months, and are popular and known by literally everyone.
I know most people would probably say “just talk” but like first of all, I can’t come up with anything to talk about or how to even start a conversation, because it seems like all these people talk about are their inside jokes, topics that I can’t relate to/understand, or just random things that I don’t have a part in.
Whenever I try to approach one person it seems so awkward because I barely know them and have nothing to talk about, and if I try to approach a group of people, I feel so uncomfortable around them because they just don’t really pay attention. Trying to sit with any group at lunch just makes me feel out of place because they take up whole tables, so I would be sitting on the edge alone, quiet, out of place, looking like a awkward stalker. If someone approaches me for some small talk, I can’t help but to sound dry, boring, and for some reason…loud, maybe trying to compensate for having nothing substantial to say.
I do have some close friends, but I can’t (or maybe just don’t know how to) make any others or seemingly get with anyone else…
I really need advice as well as to improve fast.
Answer: Hi, I can tell that this is something that has been a weight on your shoulders lately and I’m sorry! High school is hard, especially when you feel isolated. I want to break down your message in order to respond fully.
“It seems everyone has their own friend group already.”
Please remember that not everything is as it seems and some people in those friend groups may be deeply unhappy within them. Also, I’m sure that not everyone is in a friend group. Because you are feeling overwhelmed its important to take a step back and clearly see the full picture. I’m sure that there are other people that you know in your shoes!
“I can’t come up with anything to talk about or how to even start a conversation.”
Take a deep breath!! I’m sure you are an interesting person with cool things to say! Don’t overthink, it is the biggest tip I can give on this one. Be casual, and make small talk! Talk about certain classes you’re in together, homework and anything else you have in common. Also, you can consider joining extracurricular or youth groups. Sometimes being around people with similar interests helps naturally build connections without pressure.
As for the people who only make inside jokes, they’re probably not the nicest people to be friends with anyways.
“Trying to sit with any group at lunch just makes me feel out of place.”
Try to approach someone before lunch or in the lunch line (if you have one), make a little small talk and casually ask if you can sit with them! I know it seems scary but the worst that can happen is they say no and you still have your same problem, but on the other hand they may say yes! That way you’re sitting with someone you have some level of comfort with and they can introduce you to their friends!
“I do have some close friends, but I can’t…make any others.”
Someone very wise once told me that one friend is all you need. As long as you have your close friends to give you support, that’s amazing and any other friends are just bonus! I wouldn’t worry at all about being awkward or making more friends because it seems like you’ve already done it. Also, it is helpful and normal to have friends in different ranges: friends for DMCs, friends for friend groups, and friends for a laugh!
Been There is a peer advice column to help teenagers like us navigate their struggles with advice from older teenagers and peers rooted in the importance of self-care, while reminding you that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Truth, advice, and support from someone who gets it.
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