Bonsai Parenting

Most parents send their kids to camp because they know that kids grow in a different way — faster — when they’re on their own. This is something at odds with the rest of our culture, which is embracing “Bonsai Parenting.”

Over the past few months, the news has brought us stories of a 10-year-old boy not allowed to bring his pen knife on a nature trip as well as the ridiculous rules for adopting a pet that now sometimes include things like, “Pet needs one parent home at all times,” and, “Cat cannot be kept as a mouser in a barn.” One guy wrote to my blog, Free Range Kids, that his home, replete with kids, was rejected by a shelter because it was “too exciting” for a dog.

TOO EXCITING? So it no longer matters how constricted the life of a boy or dog is, so long as it is absolutely SAFE? That is the ULTIMATE goal, for all beloved species?


Over and over we are being told that the kinds of things animals and children have done since the dawn of time are suddenly too taxing, difficult and dangerous for this generation. Instead, adults must take care of all their child/pet’s needs and then some. Adults (once background-checked and found absolutely perfect) must keep the kid and/or pet from the fulfillment…excuse me, the DANGER of doing ANYTHING on its own. No mousing for you — I bought you fancy cat food! No whittling for you — I’ll use MY pen knife to cut whatever you need!

That’s not parenting. That’s bonsai.


Our marching orders are to stunt our kids and pets. We’re told to thwart their natural curiosity and desire to be part of the world. But in fact, our job is the opposite. Society is brainwashing us to believe that the world is unsafe immediately outside the door, that any parent not devoting their entire lives to constant child supervision is going to regret it, and that asking anything of anyone other than ourselves is asking for trouble. Only we, the parents, are smart and competent enough to take care of (and take over) our kids’ lives.

So maybe we should adopt the term “Bonsai parenting” instead of “helicoptering.” After all, we’re not instructed to simply hover, we are instructed to keep our loved ones inside and prune their interactions with the big, bad (exciting, demanding) world.  Bonsai pets and bonsai kids, kept helpless, dependent and adorable.


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