Holiday Endurance Triathlon: Hoshana Rabbah Leg

Oh my God, you guys, the holidays have been going on FOREVER. Whenever I talked to my Jewish friends this week I just whined about how much I missed having weekends and how sick I was of spending beautiful days sitting in shul.
I always get kind of petulant and annoying towards the end of Sukkot. I actually adore this holiday, but then once it’s over we have two more holidays before I get to go back to my normal life. And we just had two other holidays and really, I would just like to spend a day sleeping late, taking a bike ride, reading a book, maybe eating out and seeing a play. Usually I call those days “Sundays,” but it’s been so long since I’ve had one that I’m not sure I’d recognize it anymore.

Anyway, Hoshanah Rabbah is kind of cool because it’s technically the end of Sukkot, which means I still like it. Also, it’s the last chance to repent before God closes the books of Life and Death for good. Plus, an opportunity to get out your aggression by beating the willows.

So yay for Hoshanah Rabah.

Tomorrow at shul we read Kohelet, also known as Ecclesiastes, or “that book that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to read at shul because it seems to be all about how there’s no point to life.” Awkward. Also there’s Yizkor. So yeah, that’ll be an overall good time.

And then on Saturday night starts all the drinking and revelry. I can usually get next to the drinking but Simchat Torah revelry bores me, to be honest. The only part I really like is coming up with funny hakafot. Here are some suggestions:
People with nut allergies/ people who are lactose intolerant
People who got swine flu
People who can see Russia from their house
People who cried when they watched the inauguration
People who already read the new Dan Brown book
People who are so sick of the holidays they need to be given a Torah to carry or they will leave in a huff

Oh, is that last one just me? My bad.

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