Why Didn’t the Chicken Get to Cross the Road?

It’s that time of year again. That time when I can’t decide whether to stand with my holy-but-barbaric brothers and sisters, the ever-lovin’ Brooklyn Hasidim, or to stand with my holy-but-self-righteous brothers and sisters in PETA.

On one hand, kaparot — the pre-Yom Kippur ritual where we transfer our sins onto some unsuspecting other — is completely spiritual. We’re purging ourselves — but, more than that, we’re taking the bad parts from ourselves and doing some good with it. By transferring our sins to a five-dollar bill (me) or a chicken (the in-laws) and then giving it to a poor family for Sukkot dinner, we’re embodying all three stages of repentance in one: teshuvah (saying we’re sorry), tefilah (praying), and tzedakah (charity).

On the other — well, what did that poor chicken do to you?

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