Caffeine Any Way Possible

I remember my old roommate once asked me, “If I could choose between being addicted to coffee and not being addicted to coffee, which one would I choose?”

Without batting an eye, I screamed, “Addicted to coffee!” Getting addicted to coffee was probably one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Honestly. I love coffee. It’s wonderful. The only reason I get out of my bed in the morning is because I know I’ll be able to soon have my morning cup. In other words, what I’m saying is that if it weren’t for my addiction to coffee, I would have been fired from this job a long time ago.

But if need be, I can always go a day without it.

Yom Kippur is probably the slowest day of the year at Starbucks. Because along with the ban on eating, you aren’t allowed to drink anything on Yom Kippur either, including coffee.

My addiction to coffee really isn’t so bad. Some people really get depressed without coffee and others  get pretty bad headaches. Except for the first hour of grumpiness, I’m pretty good to go for the day.

But as I said, for others, going a day without coffee can seem like an impossible task. That can make an already hard day of fasting the worst day imaginable.

But fear not people! Next year, there is a solution! That is…if you’re willing to take a suppository. That’s right. There’s nothing in the halakhah that says you can’t insert caffeine into your body if it doesn’t go through your mouth (notice how I’m avoiding explaining how this exactly works. Look it up).

So umm…yeah…maybe this whole caffeine addiction thing needs to be re-looked at.


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