Ask Asher: All About Love

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Hi Asher,
Valentine’s Day came and went, and just like every year pink and red heart decorations everywhere reminded me just how single I am. I’ve been hearing a lot about self-love and self-compassion. What is that and how do you do it? I know nothing is wrong with being single, but this time of year it can feel pretty lonely.

Best,
Chronically Single

Dear Chronically Single,
Self-love and self-compassion is, well, feeling love and compassion for one’s self. How does one “do it”? That’s entirely up to you. First of all, just because the film, music, and advertising industries (among others) have all done a very successful job in convincing all of us that being single is literally the worst thing ever ever ever, that’s not actually true.

I realize that as someone who has been in a relationship for the greater part of a decade, it’s rather easy for me to say this, but the truth is that there may not be a “one” for everyone. Not everybody partners off, and that’s completely okay; some of the happiest and most interesting seniors I know are those that never “settled down.” It is one of life’s uncertainties. This is where self-love comes into play.

Whether or not you are destined to spend your life with another person, there is one relationship that you will definitely be in your entire life, and that is the relationship you have with yourself. Self-love is not as simple as “learning to love yourself,” it’s also about becoming the version of yourself that is worth loving. If you aren’t happy with the way things are going in your life and the way that affects you as a person, then you need to change those aspects of your life. Trust me, this is no easy task, but I promise you that it is worth the rewards; it took me years to become someone worth my own love, let alone the love of others. You are the only person who will be on your side 100% of the time, so make sure you are worth it. Plus, self-awareness is a huge turn-on, and it will make you that much more attractive to potential partners. It is no accident that the times I was single in my life roughly coincided with the periods when I didn’t believe in myself like I should have.

Posted on February 18, 2015

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