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Today there is a good chance that someone special in your life who isn’t Jewish will be at your bris, simchat bat, or other welcoming ceremony for your new baby. It may be an aunt or uncle, grandparents, or even yourself or your partner: a non-Jewish parent who has pledged to raise this child in a Jewish home.
Both parents will obviously be involved in the planning of your ceremony, and to a certain extent can tailor it to their personal comfort level. For example, how much is said in English versus Hebrew, how much is focused on the idea of the covenant between God and the Jewish people, and how much focuses on more universalistic Jewish ideas and traditions. Welcoming ceremonies for girls, which are a relatively new phenomenon, are not “fixed” as the ancient rite of brit milah, and so there is often far more room for flexibility.
For mohalim–ritual circumcisers (who are in most cases Orthodox)–the mother’s religion is the one that counts when determining if the baby is Jewish according to Jewish law. Ritual circumcision is actually a requirement that a Jewish father must fulfill–or delegate–when he has a son. Part of a traditional brit milah involves the father reciting a line in Hebrew that delegates that responsibility to the mohel. When the father isn’t Jewish, the obligations of traditional Judaism do not bind him, and so the mohel will skip that line. If the baby’s mother is not Jewish, then a traditional mohel will likely agree to perform the circumcision if it is “l’shem gerut”–with the intention that the baby will later be immersed in a mikveh (a ritual bath) to be converted to Judaism. Reform mohalim may, in line with current Reform thinking, consider the baby Jewish if either parent is Jewish.
It will be important to discuss the family’s circumstances with the mohel in advance of the day of the ceremony, and clarify with him which roles you wish to assign to various relatives. It is then that you should ask him about the role that a non-Jewish parent can play.
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