Like we told you before, real Jews wear hats. Don’t wear a hat? Then you’re not a real Jew. Unless, of course, you wear a doily, in which case you’re the Jewiest Jew of all.
But, you might ask, what if I don’t like wearing a kippah? What if I think they’re too showy? Or too holier-than-though? Or all of mine are in the wash? What if — you may thunder, evoking a wrath like the first time G-d saw the Golden Calf — I care about global warming and the ozone layer and cancer and all that stuff, and I want to keep the sun out of my eyes? What if I play sports? What if I’m an outfielder in baseball and I need to block the sun out of my eyes to call out someone? What are you trying to say, Roth — that real Jews don’t play sports?
Whoa, there, imaginary person — calm down. People like you are the reason that the YamuKap was invented.
Now, one of my friends called it “the most hideous article of Jewish clothing ever invented.” And that person does have a point — it’s not like a yarmulke has a special power that an average everyday hat, doily, or towel thrown over one’s head can’t replace. But I do have to admit, there’s something beautiful if inelegant about wearing a Yamukap — a yarmulke is supposed to keep you mindful of God, and I don’t think I could forget for a second that I was wearing this thing, if I was wearing it.
Which I’m not. Because I’m a geek and a tech and a writer. I use the internet, learn Talmud with Rashi, and I never go outside. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. And for that, you’ll always have the Yamukap.
Thanks to Aaron Roller of Mimaamakim for this one. You’re a prince.
Pronounced: TALL-mud, Origin: Hebrew, the set of teachings and commentaries on the Torah that form the basis for Jewish law. Comprised of the Mishnah and the Gemara, it contains the opinions of thousands of rabbis from different periods in Jewish history.