Even With Help, I’d Be Killed

On Saturday, I stopped by these two homeless men on the street who were singing and panhandling. After stopping and singing along with them, I joked that “they should be tipping me.” They were none too impressed, threatening to put their foot somewhere in me that foots don’t usually go.

I walked away quickly and unscathed. I was very lucky, mostly because I’ve never beaten anyone up in my life except my younger brother (“10 years later insult!” Bam!).

magic2.jpg Now, when I read MyJewishLearning, sometimes I ask myself how I can make the information I’m reading more practical. For example, if I’m reading about Chabad Today, I want to know good ways to avoid being asked to put on t’fillin while I’m walking to lunch.

This is never more present than when reading MJL’s Magic and the Supernatural section. If I’m going to be attacked by a Golem, I want to know how am I going to defend myself.

Luckily, thanks to a wonderfully informative website, HowToBeatUpAnything.com, all my Golem-fighting questions have been answered.

Here is a short excerpt:

“The golem is a slow-moving but dangerous foe. If he hits you clean with one of his heavy thudding shots, it could be over. However, his strength is also his potential downfall.  He’s exactly the right consistency of mud to do damage; thick and dense enough to deliver force but pliable enough to shrug off your counterattacks…  But, if you can alter his density far enough in either direction, you can beat him.”

The piece goes on to explain that you need to get the golem close to a fire so the clay hardens, rendering him immobile.

I really hope this is someone’s actual job.

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