Jewball. Urban Dictionary describes it as “a less intensive version of any of the following: baseball, basketball, football, etc.”
By that definition, I’d be a star on the court (it should be noted that in the 6th grade, I was the star on the court). I found out this Sukkos that the definition is a bit decieving, and in some cases, untrue.
The truth is that I never bought this notion of Jewball. Back when I was on my 7th/8th grade basketball team, the best team in the league both years was Hebrew Academy, the local Modern Orthodox school. I distinctly remember being close to tears after a 77-11 thrashing on their part.
Sadly, my demise as a basketball player has been swift. While guys my age got faster and stronger, I…uh…didn’t. I didn’t realize how far I’ve fallen until yesterday on the mean streets of Teaneck, NJ.
I wasn’t playing against any goyim here. The court’s stars held names like Chaim, Avi, Judah and Shai. I thought maybe, just maybe, I had a chance to restore my old glory. Sadly, I was incorrect.
I was, by far, the worst player on the court. They had me defending a man in his 50s because he was the only one who couldn’t beat me down the lane. I missed every shot except for one layup. These boys though, knew what they were doing, sinking deep threes and beautiful reverse layups.
I went home defeated and shamed.
Jewball is a farce, I say. Jews can ball. Just look at Jordan Farmar.
