Lenny Bruce’s “Jewish and Goyish” skit is a classic of American-Jewish comedy. The following piece updates the skit for a 21st-century audience. Reprinted with permission from Bangitout.com.
I am Jewish, Harrison Ford is Jewish, The Iron Chef is Jewish. Kid Rock is Goyish. Kathie Lee is goyish. Billy Joel is as Jewish as it gets, Elton John is goyish.
While Coke is Jewish, Pepsi veers more goyish… but has Jewish commercials. Dick Cheney is definitely Jewish, President Bush is severely goyish. Hulk Hogan has always been Jewish, as Rick Flair has always been goyish. Yahoo! is so Jewish, as opposed to Excite and Ask Jeeves, which are goyish. Britney is most definitely Jewish, while Christina is as goy as they come.
PCs are Jewish, Macs are goyish. Pot is one of the most Jewish things around. Yet bongs are so goyish. Spell-check is Jewish. But using the Thesaurus is goyish.
Evan Jewish, Jaron goyish. [And if you get that reference, you’re definitely Jewish. — The editors]
Snapple is Jewish, as Arizona is goyish. Batman is a Jewish superhero. Robin is goyish. Penn is a freaking goy, while Teller is a silent Masmid [dedicated Torah scholar].
MTV was Jewish and VH1 goyish, but with Behind the Music, VH1 has fully converted. Both Mario and Luigi were Jewish, along with Zelda, although the princess they rescued was goyish.
The entire idea of Designing Women was goyish. Golden Girls screamed Jewish. George Costanza was Jewish, Seinfeld was goyish. Bruce Willis is a Jew. Robert De Niro is a Jew. Robin Williams is a rebbe. However, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise are goyim. Chandler is Jewish, the rest of the Friends cast were goyish. Felicity is only Jewish because the show was filmed in New York. Survivor is ultra Jewish, Boot Camp is anti-Semtic goyish.
HBO is Jewish. Cinemax is goyish. Jon Stewart defines Jewishness, Drew Carey reeks of goy. Jo, Tootie, and Natalie were all under the kosher supervision of Mrs. Garrett. Blair Warner was a model shikse.
Rollerblades have become Jewish, but the Extensive Protective Equipment is goyish. All fruit added to a vegetable salad is considered goyish, except for Craisins, which are Jewish.