The Jewish year — 5779 — is almost over and we’ve already had five bagel scandals that shook us to our core: that terrible bagel emoji, Ice T having never eaten a bagel, and “Nazi” bagels, to name a few. And now, there’s another #bagelgate to add to the list.
In one of the worst (or best) marketing stunts ever pulled, Philadelphia Cream Cheese is selling a limited-edition contraption that punches a hole into any food to turn it into a “bagel” — AKA, a hole puncher. The offensive tool is called “Bagel That” and it’s already sold out on Amazon.
“People love spreading Philadelphia Cream Cheese on bagels, but what happens if you’re craving Philly and don’t have a bagel?” said Associate Director of Marketing Megan Magnuson in a statement. “We created a device to transform other food items into a bagels. Have toast? Bagel That. A waffle? Bagel That. Even a tortilla? Bagel That too.”
Sorry, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, but this isn’t an episode of Portlandia where you can just “put a bird on it” and call it a day. Bagels are a precious food, after all. Needless to say, Twitter — especially Jewish Twitter — was NOT having it.
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Here are some of Twitter’s best reactions to the latest, most scandalous #bagelgate.
1. The difference between Jews and Jews for Jesus:
https://twitter.com/jewcommie/status/1174361062692524032?s=20
2. Mmmm, bagel steak.
The rest of the internet, crying into a pillow: "You can't just put a hole in something and call it a bagel."
Philadelphia, punching a hole into a steak: "That's a bagel."— Bobson Dugnutt (@Sh1n0b1wan) September 18, 2019
3. Throwing major shade:
https://twitter.com/Sara_Rose_G/status/1174288505155084288
4. Even the Pennsylvania Treasury chimed in!
https://twitter.com/PATreasury/status/1174079493083934720?s=20
5. He has a point…
https://twitter.com/maxsparber/status/1174341839488520192
6. Call Me By My Bagel
You put a hole in someones head i bet u gon call em a bagel too
— RN | Eric (@chasonthesun) September 18, 2019
7. The ADL is on it (not really).
[Me frantically dialing the phone]@ADL: what this time
Me: [catches breath]
ADL:
Me:Me: THEY'RE LITERALLY PUNCHING A HOLE IN BREAD AND CALLING IT A BAGEL
[deep sigh on the line]
ADL: we're on it https://t.co/bez59ukqsP— Alex גדעון בן װעלװל (@JewishWonk) September 18, 2019
8. At least Jews can agree on one thing
https://twitter.com/FleitWrite/status/1174161460085305346
