Overcoming Self-Doubt
Moshe’s complaint
and God’s response teach us that despite our doubts and insecurities, we can,
and should, work to accomplish our unique missions in life.
By Rabbi Neal Joseph Loevinger
The following article
is reprinted with permission from Kolel: The
Adult Centre for Liberal Jewish Learning.
Overview
The previous parsha ends with the Israelites suffering
greatly in servitude to Pharaoh; rather than heed God's instruction to let his
slaves go, Pharaoh increases their workload and even refuses to give them straw
for the bricks they must make. Moshe goes back to God, and in the beginning of
this week's Torah portion, God reassures him that the Israelites will indeed be
delivered by God's own action. The plagues upon Egypt then commence, but
Pharaoh will not be moved. Eventually, God "hardens" Pharaoh's heart,
and the plagues upon Egypt continue, becoming more wondrous each time.
In Focus
"The Lord spoke to Moshe, saying: 'Go and tell Pharaoh
king of Egypt to let the Israelites depart from his land.' But Moshe appealed
to the Lord, saying: 'The Israelites would not listen to me; how then should
Pharaoh heed me--a man of impeded speech!'" So the Lord spoke to both
Moshe and Aaron in regard to the Israelites and Pharaoh king of Egypt,
instructing them to deliver the Israelites from the land of Egypt. (Exodus
6:10-13)
Pshat
Moshe complains to God several times before this that God's
mission for him--to proclaim to Pharaoh that he must free the Hebrew slaves--is
impossible, or too difficult, or that Moshe is the wrong man for the job. Moshe
seems not only to doubt his own capabilities but he also comes across as a bit
jaded about human nature.
He points out that a slave people isn't likely to believe
the wild reports of a wandering shepherd regarding their redemption, and
Pharaoh is even less likely to heed seditious suggestions in the name of an
unknown God. In this verse, as before, Moshe protests that he is not a fluent
speaker; it's not clear whether this means that he had a physical speech
defect, or was self-conscious and inarticulate. (Cf. 4:10.)
Drash
Digging a bit deeper into the question of Moshe's
"impeded speech," we find that even explanations of the term fudge a
bit as to whether it is a physiological or emotional problem. In this verse,
quoted above, the literal translation of Moshe's complaint is that he has
"uncircumcised lips," which doesn't help us at all.
Rashi says that "uncircumcised" means
"closed," or "stopped up," and gives several examples from
other verses to corroborate this definition. However, he doesn't say what it
actually means to have "closed" lips--it could be a kind of thickness
of speech, or it could mean that his words don't flow very well, that he has
inadequate rhetorical skills.
Moshe makes his complaint a bit differently in the earlier verse referred to:
"Oh Lord, I am not a man of words, not yesterday and not from the day
before, nor from the time You have spoken to Your servant, for I am heavy of
mouth and heavy of tongue." (4:11)
Kaved in this
verse literally means "heavy," and is sometimes also translated as
"slow of mouth and slow of tongue," or something like that. Once
again, it's not clear exactly what Moshe means; the only thing that's clear is
that Moshe thinks this condition disqualifies him from being God's agent in the
task of confronting Pharaoh.
Nachum Sarna, a Biblical scholar, in his book Exploring Exodus: The Heritage of Biblical Israel, offers a third
possibility. Moshe grew up as an Egyptian, speaking the language of the
land--perhaps he's trying to tell God that after so many years in the land of
Midian, his fluency in Egyptian isn't what it used to be. Thus, he doesn't
possess the language skills to engage in this task of high-level communication
and negotiation.
After looking at the various interpretations of Moshe's protests, Sarna does
something unusual for a Bible scholar (whether of the old-time rabbinic variety
or of the modern academic persuasion): he tells us that the exact nature of
Moshe's problem really doesn't matter at all. Moshe felt inadequate to address
Pharaoh as God's agent; God replies that it's God's words, not Moshe's, that
will be spoken. To quote Sarna:
“To this, God replies with what in effect is . . . the
essence of Biblical prophecy. The chosen messenger conveys not his own word but
the word of God, and he does so because he irresistibly compelled by a Force
and a Will more powerful than his own. Prophetic eloquence is not a matter of
native talent, but of revelation that derives from the supreme Source of truth
that is external to the speaker.
“The facile talker, the golden-tongued, the consummate
demagogue, is not the recipient of the prophetic word or the vehicle of its
transmission. Prophetic eloquence is a divine gift bestowed for [a] purpose on
him who is elected, often against his will, to be the messenger. In these
circumstances, experience and talent are irrelevant qualities.”
To me, this explanation of Moshe's protests is reassuring
and discomforting at the same time. It's reassuring because we can take from it
hope that indeed, despite our human limitations and frailties, we can
accomplish our unique tasks in life. To be sure, most of us don't have a
destiny as dramatic as Moshe's, but each of us is commissioned for something,
and given tools and talents and challenges to meet as best we can.
Moshe, despite his absolutely extraordinary life, is also
just like all the rest of us: called by God to be a partner in the work of
Redemption, called by a God Who has faith in us even when we don't have faith
in ourselves.
It's reassuring to think that God chose not the strongest or
the fastest or the smartest or the most beautiful, but implanted Divine Truth
into a person "slow of mouth and slow of tongue." If Moshe could rise
to the occasion and speak words to Pharaoh that would change the whole course
of human history, then I too can rise to the occasion and express to the world
whatever sparks of Divinity I have been given.
Yet this is exactly what is discomforting about these verses: they strip from
us all our excuses, all our rationales for procrastination, all our lack of
self-confidence masquerading as humility. By appointing Moshe, the man of
"uncircumcised lips," as a prophet-president-diplomat-preacher (i.e.,
a man completely dependent on words), God is telling the rest of us: you have
to get on with your spiritual mission in life, despite your limitations,
despite your self-doubts, despite all the problems that seem to be in the way.
It's much easier to shrug off the task as beyond our
capacities, or to wish fervently, as Moshe did, that God would appoint someone
else in our place. Not everyone is chosen to lead a nation of slaves to
freedom, but each of us must consider seriously and apply to ourselves Rabbi
Tarfon's famous challenge: "You are not obliged to finish the task, but
neither are you free to neglect it." (Pirke
Avot (Ethics of the Forebears) 2:21)
Rabbi Neal Joseph
Loevinger is currently the rabbi of Temple Israel of Swampscott and Marblehead,
MA. A former student at Kolel, he
served as Kolel’s Director of Outreach from late 1999-2001. He was ordained in the first graduating
class of the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies of the University of Judaism,
and holds a Master’s of Environmental Studies from York University in Toronto.
