What if Ariel Sharon Woke Up?

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I just got emailed this dialogue that sums up the current state of Israeli politics:

It is a rainy night, and we are at Tel HaShomer Hospital. Only one orderly is around. He is on night duty tonight in the room of the “sleeping” former Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon. Everyone but Sharon himself knows that he is no longer the Prime Minister of Israel.

The orderly is sitting, peeling an apple; and G, the Israeli Secret Service (Shabak) agent, is nodding off.

Suddenly, all of the machines start to beep. The PM is waking up!

Sharon says, “I haven’t slept like that for a long time! Get me my strategist, Reuven Adler. I have some ideas for a new direction.”

The orderly says, “Good morning, sir. How do you feel?”

Sharon answers, “I am dying of hunger. Where am I?”

The Shabak agent continues to sleep, while the orderly explains to Sharon what had happened to him.

Sharon does not take him seriously and says, “So tonight you fooled with the PM, eh?”

The orderly says, “Sorry, sir; but you are really no longer the PM.”

After a few minutes, Sharon asks, “So who replaced me?”

The orderly answers, “Ehud Olmert.”

Sharon reacts, “Olmert? What will happen if war breaks out? He does not know how to run the army! At least, Shaul Mofaz is still there!”

The orderly answers, “Mofaz is the Minister of Transportation.”

“So who is the Defense Minister?”

The orderly says, “Peretz.”

“That old man is still alive?!” asks Sharon in wonderment.

The orderly whispers, trembling, “Not Peres. Peretz, Amir Peretz.”

“What? Are you crazy? I close my eyes for a minute, and you guys let a Labor leader take over the defense of the country? Not all the factories in Dimona are the same. Does he know that? Listen, get Omri here right away. He will fix everything.”

“Sorry, sir; Omri is on his way to jail.”

“My son in jail? For that nonsense? I can’t believe it. So get me my lawyer quickly. Get Klagsbald.”

The orderly responds, “Klagsbald is on his way to jail.”

Sharon calms down and says, “I knew I could count on Klagsbald. He will get Omri out of it.”

Posted on March 20, 2007

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