Rachel Shukert, Zionist Secret Agent

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On Monday, Rachel Shukert blogged about Mad Men, Lenny Bruce style. Below is her satirical short fiction response to some particularly egregious comments she received after an excerpt of her book was published on Salon.com.

Last week, a certain high-traffic website posted an excerpt from my new book,
Everything Is Going To Be Great

: An Underfunded and Overexposed European Grand Tour
. I



won’t go into all the details here, but suffice it to say it had to do with my experience in Vienna and all its attendant Nazi ghosts, literal and figurative.

The anonymous posters in the comments thread were outraged. Some accused me of being an undercover Zionist agent. Others suggested that the Powers that Be (TPTB in Internet speak) had commission and planned the release of my book in a transparent attempt to drum up sympathy for the Jews just when the world was beginning to get wise to their inherent evil. One went so far as to deem my book–a mildly amusing travelogue about getting drunk and doing stupid things–as instrumental in conning the American public into invading Iran. Several commenters, to be fair, simply said my piece was the worst and least believable thing they had ever read. Clearly, I was a liar who had made the whole story up. What about the beautiful city of Vienna would possibly make anyone think of Nazis?

Well, my fellow Jews (and any Gentiles who may have found themselves on this blog), I guess the jig is up. After much soul-searching, I have decided to come clean, here to the Jewish Book Council and MyJewishLearning, about the motivation and purpose of my book.

****************************************

About two years ago, I was flossing my teeth and watching Season 4
Top Chef
on DVR when the phone rang. It was Chuck Schumer, then acting President of the Elders of Zion, before leadership passed over to Diane von Furstenberg last spring. (In case you didn’t know, the E of Z presidency passes over in turn to leading Jews from every field, the way leadership of the E.U. passes from country to country. Judd Apatow is next on the docket.)

Posted on August 11, 2010
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