New Ceremonies: Ending the Kaddish Period
A ritual to end the process of saying the Mourner's Kaddish for a loved one.
By Paula Jacobs
Reprinted with permission of the author and Ritualwell.com.
The Kaddish prayer binds the generations together.
But it also strengthens community ties. The inextricable bonds created by the
daily minyan community became apparent to me soon after I began reciting
Kaddish for my father five years ago at my synagogue, Temple Israel of Natick,
Massachusetts.
Seeing the same familiar faces each day at minyan became a
significant part of the healing process. Total strangers soon became friends.
Newcomers and old-timers alike, we sensed the presence of God in our holy
community. Our small chapel became a sacred space where we embraced, comforted
and sustained each other. When members of the minyan disappeared after their
period of mourning came to an end, our close-knit group felt their absence.
There is truly never closure because the memory of our
dearly beloved will eternally remain with us. However, I decided it was
important to acknowledge both the individual's transition from the mourner's
path and the important role of the minyan community during this spiritual
journey.
To do so, I created a ceremony (described below and which
has evolved over the years) to mark the end of theKaddish
period. An important part of the ceremony is the presentation of a daily prayer
book, engraved with the name of the deceased relative and lovingly autographed
on the inside front cover by each member of the minyan.
Leader:
Opens
with a passage from Marcia Falk's The Book
of Blessings or other appropriate invocation.
Today, as a holy minyan community we mark the last day that
[name] has recited the Kaddish prayer for his/her/their beloved [insert
relationship, e.g. father, mother]. By reciting Kaddish and worshipping here as
a member of the community of Israel, you have performed hesed shel emet,
you have bestowed honor to the memory of your beloved [insert name and
relationship, e.g. father, Morris Levy], and expressed an unbroken link with Am
Yisrael, and have indeed kept [his/her] spirit alive within our community.
Dear [name], we hope that our sacred community has brought
you comfort and healing during this difficult time. Now, may I share with your minyan
friends some words that you have shared with me about your beloved [name].
Leader
now shares brief but highly personalized remarks about the deceased. Leader may
relate this to the weekly Torah portion or something relevant as appropriate.
Presents
the siddur.
Leader and Mourner:
Eloheinu,
v'Elohei avoteinu v'imoteinu
Elohei Avraham, Elohei
Yitzchak, v'Elohei Ya'akov
Elohei Sarah, Elohei Rivkah,
Elohei Rachel v'Elohei Leah.
Our God and God
of our ancestors,
God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob,
Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Leah.
You sustained me
on this difficult journey,
You understood my pain,
You comforted and
healed me,
And helped me reaffirm my faith.
May you bestow
blessing upon this sacred community, May you bring peace,
To those who join together in prayer,
To those who organize a minyan,
To all who provide comfort and
healing,
And whose sacred deeds bring
holiness and renewal.
Yitgadal
v'yitkadash sh'mei rabbah
May we magnify and sanctify the Great Name for now and
forever.
v'Ken y'hi
ratzon
May it be Your will.
Amen.
All:
Recite together
the following psalm (or a psalm of your choice):
Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes
to the hills
What is the source of my help?
My help comes
from the Lord,
Maker of the heavens and the earth.
He will not allow
you to stumble. Your Guardian will not slumber.
Indeed, the Guardian of Israel
neither slumbers nor sleeps.
The Lord is your
Guardian, your shelter at your side.
The sun will not smite you by day
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will
guard you against all evil,
He will guard you, body and soul.
The Lord will
guard your going out
And your coming home, now and
forever.
Amen.
Paula Jacobs is a
Massachusetts-based writer. She created this ceremony in
1999 at Temple Israel of Natick.
