All Humans Are Responsible For One Another
Making celebrations ethical and joyous.
Ethical Smahot is a program begun initially in Washington
D.C. to increase the expression of Jewish values in our celebrations. We have
signatories from all major movements of Judaism and welcome organizations, such
as local boards of rabbis, to sign on as well. We invite all rabbis and cantors
to join the Ethical Smachot program by signing on to the Ethical Smahot
Website and encourage you to use this document to begin a conversation in
your communities.
By Rabbi Alana Suskin and Rabbi Joshua Ginsberg
"Rejoice in your celebration!" Jewish life cycle
events, like weddings or b'nei mitzvah, are moments for celebration and
renewal. These times of our rejoicing with family and friends are also
opportunities for us to renew our relationship with God, Torah, and Israel.
Tzniut (Modesty)
"One should walk modestly with your God." The
Jewish concept of modesty relates to all parts of a person's life. Judaism
teaches that us to be modest with our money, speech, clothing, and behavior. At
these pivotal moments we have the opportunity to walk with dignity, respect,
and humility with God by the way we plan our event. We should take care that
the clothing we wear shows respect for our bodies. Our bodies are houses for
our souls, made b'tzelem elohim--in the image of God. We should take
care to dress in a way that encourages confidence and respect and minimizes the
oversexualizing so prevalent in our culture. We should also take care not to
dress in any other vulgar way, whether it is overly showy or flashy.
Similarly, we should avoid conspicuous consumption and overspending. Every
family knows what it can afford, and of course, some families can afford to
celebrate more lavishly than others. Still, it is a great principle of Judaism
not to cause shame to others and we should take great care in planning our
events so that others do not feel shame in not being able to afford the same
level of luxury. This may lead to families overextending themselves
economically so that they can "keep up with the Cohens." That could
create hardships where people will be unable to meet their responsibilities to
spouses and children, which would be a violation of Jewish law.
Ask yourself: do the clothes that I and my family have
chosen portray each of us at our most dignified? Would I wear this on a visit
to meet the president at the White House? Do these clothes encourage us to
carry ourselves with respect as creatures made in God's image and filled with a
spark of holiness? In the choices I make in celebrating, is the focus on
connection with God and community, or on material things? Can I spend less and
use more money towards tzedakah?
Modesty should also be emphasized in our speech; we should
take care in how we speak to one another. We should consider even during
speeches and toasts, our language and ideas should be presented with
consideration for the feelings of, and with respect for, the loved ones
gathered together.
Kavod HaBriot (Respect for One's Fellow Humans)
This is so important that it can under some circumstances
even override a negative commandment. Certainly respect for all the members of
our families should be at a premium, and we should do our utmost to behave with
kindness and generosity to one another, perhaps especially in families split by
divorce, or in joined families.
Ask yourself: Have I made my family and friends feel
welcome? Have I treated everyone with the respect that our father Abraham
showed for his guests? Have I made it possible for even the most strictly
observant community members to attend and provided food they can eat? Have you
arranged explanations for those who might not know or understand the service?
Have I encouraged those who are knowledgeable to seek out and explain to those
who are less knowledgeable? Have you thought to specifically ask those who are
knowledgeable to "adopt" specific people who you know are less
knowledgeable to make them feel more comfortable?
"This Torah shall not depart from your lips."
Jewish tradition teaches that talmud torah is the greatest of all the
commandments, because Jewish learning provides us with the knowledge and the
understanding to be partners with God. By studying sacred texts and Jewish
books related to our simha you can make the experience more spiritually
fulfilling and meaningful. Time should be set aside for opportunities to learn
at every Jewish event. Words of Torah should be spoken at every celebration.
Ask yourself: Can I take 15 minutes during the celebration
to study a Jewish text? Can I take a few minutes of my celebration to learn
something about the reasons for the celebration and the traditions and laws of
the celebration? If I can't do it myself, have I asked my rabbi or cantor, or a
knowledgeable friend to lead a study session during the party?
Seudah (Festive Meal)
"For over three thousand years, Judaism has taught that
how we eat and what we feed ourselves are sacred and communal matters,
sanctifying us, educating us, nourishing our identity, and fortifying our
morality. We need that sustenance no less than our ancestors did." We
infuse our meal with the sacred by incorporating kashrut, as understood
by our spiritual leaders and community.
Ask yourself: Have I made it possible for everyone to be
able to partake of the (same) food at my celebration? What can I learn about
how to connect to God through what we eat?
Tzedakah (Charity)
"Charity and justice is more desirable to God than a
sacrifice." Tradition teaches us that giving tzedakah is an important part
of tikkun olam: repairing our world. The act of giving not only impacts
the recipient but impacts the spiritual welfare of the giver. Incorporate
tzedakah into your celebration by donating 3% of the cost of the celebration to
a charity and making sure that left-over food is given to a food pantry or
shelter. Some caterers will try to avoid food donation, citing liability,
however, federal Good Samaritan laws limit liability to encourage the donation
of food. It is simply not true that caterers cannot do this.
Ask yourself, "To what organizations can I donate
leftovers? What organizations feed the hungry from money that I donate?"
Ask your clergy for suggestions.
Tzedek (Righteousness and Justice)
Justice, justice you shall pursue! Our tradition teaches
that fair treatment of workers is an obligation and an important part of
pursuing justice in our world. Jewish business ethics teaches that employees
should work diligently. In return, employees should receive their wages on
time, they may not be underpaid, they may form unions or professional
organizations in order to set wages and benefits, and they should be treated
with dignity and respect. They should be paid in accordance with fair market
standards for their work and consideration should be given to trying to ensure
that their basic needs, including health care, are taken care of. Our
celebrations must reflect a commitment to fair treatment of employees by
choosing places and businesses that treat employees with economic fairness and
personal dignity, such as providing a living wage and health insurance.
When we select the venues and caterers for our celebrations,
we should ask the following: Do your workers make a living wage; do your
workers have access to mediation and a venue for complaints without
retribution? Our joyous occasions should not be at the expense of the workers
who toil to provide them.
Shomrei Adamah (Guarding the Earth)
God said to Adam, "All that I created I created for
you. Consider that, and do not corrupt or desolate My world; for if you corrupt
it, there will be no one to set it right after you." Judaism views human
beings as stewards and guardians of God's world. The concept bal tashhit
(not to destroy) teaches that we must not be wasteful and do our part to
protect our environment. In all aspects of the event, we should keep
environmental principles in mind and make sure that the event does not harm the
environment to the greatest extent possible. Consider, for example, ordering
invitations, benchers and other paper products made from recycled paper and soy
based ink.
Rabbi Tarfon taught, "The day is short and the task is great. You are not
obligated to finish the task, neither are you free to neglect it." We, the
Rabbis and Cantors of your community, want to help make your celebration a day
of joy and holiness. We are available to guide you in asking questions and
creating celebrations that are infused with the spiritual and moral teachings
of Judaism. We ask you to keep these principles in mind to make your Judaism a
living Judaism; in partnership with God, you can make every moment sanctified.
Alana Suskin received her Rabbinic Ordination and Master
of Rabbinic Studies from the University of Judaism's Ziegler School of Rabbinic
Studies. She holds an M.A. in philosophy and a graduate certificate in Women's
Studies from the University of Maryland, and B.A. degrees in both Philosophy
and Russian Language and Linguistics.
Joshua Ginsberg received his Rabbinic Ordination and
Master of Hebrew Letters from the Jewish Theological Seminary of
America. Born and raised in the Chicago area, he holds a B.A. magna cum
laude from Loyola University of Chicago. He currently serves as the
Assistant Director of Hillel at George Washington University in Washington,
D.C.
