Overview: Jewish Views on Non-marital Sex
Judaism's attitude toward non-marital sex is intriguing. The
Torah does not outlaw it--as it does many other types of sexual relationships--and
the child of such a union is not considered a mamzer (illegitimate). Nonetheless, marital sex is considered
ideal, and non-marital sex is traditionally not approved of.
The negative attitude toward non-marital sex, to a large
degree, reflects the overwhelmingly positive attitude toward sex within
marriage. Marriage is referred to as kiddushin,
which comes from the Hebrew word for "holy." In Judaism, holy things
are things that are set apart and made special and unique. When sex is reserved
for marriage, it too is considered holy. Most Jewish authorities disapprove of
non-marital sex because it does not take place within the context of kiddushin. What of a long-term committed
sexual relationship in which two people--though not married--have designated
each other as their exclusive partner? This question has been raised by some
liberal Jewish thinkers; however, both the Conservative and Reform movement
(officially) reject the possibility of attributing kedushah (holiness) to such a relationship.
As mentioned, the Torah does not directly prohibit
non-marital sex. Indeed, at times, rabbinic authorities have been lenient in
this area. In medieval Spain, Nahmanides permitted sex with an unmarried woman
who was not involved with another man. Nonetheless, for traditional Jews,
non-marital sex is not without halakhic (legal) complication. The Torah
prohibits sex between a man and a woman who is menstruating (known as a niddah). This prohibition is in place
until the woman's period is complete and she immerses in a mikveh or ritual bath. This restriction applies to both married and
unmarried couples, though it is considered inappropriate for a non-married
woman (except for a soon-to-be bride) to immerse in a mikveh. Thus sex between an unmarried man and woman can violate a
Torah decree.
Interestingly, the Torah does sanction one type of
non-marital sexual relationship: concubinage. A concubine or pilegesh is a woman who, though involved
exclusively with one man, does not receive the legal benefits of marriage. In
biblical times, concubines were kept in addition to a wife or wives. In recent
centuries, Jewish authorities have, for the most part, dismissed the validity
of concubinage. An interesting exception is the 18th century legal authority
Jacob Emden, who suggested re-instituting the practice. Today, liberal
authorities like Arthur Waskow are once again exploring the viability of this
concept.
Other liberal authorities have pointed out the need to
develop a new sexual ethic to address the reality of non-marital sex. Arthur
Green, a professor of Jewish Thought at Brandeis University and a former
president of the Reconstructionist Rabbinical College, has suggested a sliding
scale of sexual values with committed, loving relationships (not necessarily
marital) on top, rape on the bottom, and all other sorts of encounters in
between. Even the Conservative and Reform movements, who still stress the ideal
of marital sex, acknowledge that Judaism's position on human sexuality is not
consonant with the trends of contemporary life. Both denominations have
suggested that non-marital sexual relationships--where they exist--should be
conducted according to the ethical principles that govern married sex: namely
with the respect due to all humans as beings created in the image of God. In
addition, Conservative rabbi Elliot Dorff has stressed the importance of
modesty, fidelity, and health and safety in non-marital sex.
