Jewish and Goyish
A classic bit of American-Jewish humor
By Lenny Bruce
Lenny Bruce (1925-1966) is something of a patron
saint--make that rebbe--to American Jewish comedians. He's a hero and martyr to
the cause. Born Leonard Alfred Schneider, he was imprisoned on obscenity
charges, but refused to censor his act. He died at 40 of a drug overdose. In
the following piece, he takes humorous aim at the Jewish propensity to see the
world as starkly divided, often absurdly, between things that are
"Jewish" and those that are not--for the latter, self-consciously using
the term goyish, considered today a slur, though it's still used by some to
describe such culturally foreign things as bologna on white bread with
mayonnaise.
Now I neologize Jewish and
goyish.
Dig: I'm Jewish. Count
Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish.
B'nai Brith is goyish;
Hadassah, Jewish. Marine corps--heavy
goyim, dangerous.
Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish, and, as
you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes--goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons
are very Jewish--very Jewish cake.
Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime jello is goyish. Lime soda is very goyish.
Trailer parks are so
goyish that Jews won't go near them. Jack Paar Show is very goyish.
Underwear is definitely
goyish. Balls are goyish. Titties are
Jewish. Mouths are Jewish.
All Italians are
Jewish. Greeks are goyish--bad sauce.
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Lenny Bruce's mugshot
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Eugene O'Neil--Jewish; Dylan Thomas, Jewish. Steve is goyish,
though. It's the hair. He combs his hair in the boys' room with that soap all
the time.
Louis. That's my name in
Jewish. Louis Schneider.
"Why haven't ya got Louis Schneider up on the marquee?"
"Well, cause it's not
show business. It doesn't fit."
"No, no, I don't
wanna hear that. You Jewish?"
"Yeah."
"You ashamed of
it?"
"Yeah."
"Why you ashamed
you're Jewish?"
"I'm not any more!
But it used to be a problem. Until Playboy magazine came out."
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