Jewish Comedy's Greatest Hits, 1950s-60s
"I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up... they have no holidays."
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn't met me yet."
"Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?"
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's read only two."
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is if you fall into an open sewer and die."
"A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it."
"It's not that I'm afraid to die; I just don't want to be there when it happens."
"The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with."