Silence

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Camp_0092I knew camp would be educational for my kids. I had no idea it would be so educational for me.

I’m a mom of four, soon to be five, kids, after all. I know how to diaper a squirming baby, how to pack a lunch that will get eaten, and how to peel melted cheese off a formerly-lost permission slip. I know how to pack for a week away for a family of six, I know how to order for said children at restaurants so that they will eat the food, and I know how many bathroom stops to make per a given amount of highway mileage.

I did not expect to be so taken aback by my boys’ first experience at overnight camp.

Why, you ask? What have they said that was so shocking?

Nothing.

Granted, they haven’t even been at camp a week. Even if they wrote me letters (which who knows whether or not they have, despite all the envelopes they addressed and stamped before camp), I have yet to receive them.  You’d think I’d have considered this before they left, that for a few days at least, I wouldn’t hear from them.

And maybe I did. But there’s a big difference between the abstract and the reality.

My boys are eight and nine. Even though I’m divorced from their dad, I’ve never gone more than a day without speaking to them.

At first, the silence pissed me off – yes, irrationally of course, because we don’t communicate telepathically. But now, as it starts to settle in, I’m thinking that this tiny bit of distance is good for both of us.

Let them be independent for a little bit – or as independent as you can be, when your mom packed your toothbrush and Marvel Avengers’ body wash. There are so many things I, as their mother, want to teach them, but surely one of them should be that it is okay to stand on your own two feet.

I don’t know exactly what they’re up to, or what they’re wearing, or what they’re thinking, but surely that’s a small hint of what the future holds as they set down the long road of growing up. And letting them grow up by letting go (a little!) is, perhaps, the best thing I can do.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m still checking the mailbox. But in my heart, I know they are okay.

Like this post? Read more of Jordana’s writing on Kveller.com.

Posted on August 7, 2013

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