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Would You Host Your Own Living Funeral?

Apparently in Taiwan there’s a new trend of people throwing their own funerals while they’re on their deathbeds, but not yet dead. The goal is basically to allow people to say everything they want to say before they go, and also to allow them to hear all the nice things everyone has to say about them.
funeral.jpg
Who among us hasn’t wondered what how we would be eulogized, and who would show up for the funeral?

A “living funeral” can take the form of a speech, a concert, a trip or a painting exhibition which is meaningful for the person who knows death is approaching, he said, adding some do not plan conventional funerals afterwards.”They can say aloud the things they want others to know and fulfill their last wishes before it’s too late,” Chou said.”Hearing the eulogies while they are still alive can help them face the final stage with ease.”
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This sounds cool, in many ways. And I think people who are sick often do a less formal version of this, anyway. My mother died a month after her 55th birthday, and because she was so sick we threw her a huge 55th birthday party, with out of town guests, teary toasts, and huge amounts of food. We weren’t calling it a funeral, but we were really doing our best to make sure she heard everyone tell her how much she meant to them, and how much she had accomplished.

Still, I would stop short of hosting a pre-death funeral. There is something so comforting about knowing that everyone will be coming together after you die. It’s very unselfish in a way that a pre-death funeral can’t be. (Dying people are allowed to be selfish, of course, but I do think there’s something nice about memorializing a person publicly after she dies.)

Also, I can’t put my finger on why, exactly, but this strikes me as very un-Jewish.

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This Can’t Be A Coincidence

Some editor over at FunnyorDie.com must have gone to Jewish day school. There is no other explanation as to why they would decide to post this video now.

This week’s Torah portion is Vayera, which includes the story of Sodom and Gomorrah. So why not make a viral video about it? During the filming of Year One (which I should see, but still haven’t), Michael Cera and Paul Scheer created a promotional video for the ancient city of Sodom. While Sodom’s Got ‘Em doesn’t specifically touch on the biblical story, it’s still pretty hilarious.

Sometimes I just wish my brain was quick enough to think of this stuff first.



Sodom’s Got ‘Em from Paul Scheer
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Middle East Roundup

Has Yitzhak Rabin’s memorial day become the occasion for delegitimizing the national-religious community? (Jerusalem Post)

Rob Eshman explains why the “e-mails, letters and phone calls crying out that Israel faces dire threat, if not certain doom” are just plain wrong. (Jewish Journal)

Der Spiegel has published a new account of Israel’s (alleged) 2007 strike on Syria’s nuke facility. (YNet)

Yoram Ettinger argues “Anyone claiming that Jews are doomed to become a minority between the Jordan River and the Mediterranean–and therefore the Jewish state must concede geography in order to secure demography–is either dramatically mistaken or outrageously misleading.” (Jewish Week)

Anger is rising in Fatah, primarily concerning Jerusalem, and this carries risks for Abbas. (Ha’aretz)

Is it really possible to have effective pro-Israel advocacy “without the presentation of the truth as others see it?” (Jewish Week)

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The Good Books: Writing Religion for Young Adults

Micol Ostow, author of So Punk Rock (And Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother), is guest-blogging all week with MyJewishLearning and Jewish Book Council.

If you had told me when I first began my career as a writer of teen fiction that I would in time gravitate from the pop-sugar of early projects like 30 Guys in 30 Days over toward books with a decidedly…Semitic bent, I would have laughed.

jewish authors blogThirteen years of Jewish day school, I thought, could really sap the Jew right out of a girl.

Having graduated from Solomon Schechter only to then willingly submerge myself in the equally homogeneous environment of a small, New England liberal arts college, it seemed to me that Judaism was a facet of myself that didn’t need exploration or understanding—unlike my experiences as a Latina, or a feminist, or even a journalist, being Jewish was nothing new. It simply was.

But a curious thing happened after I’d churned out a few installments of lighthearted chick lit: when it came time to write a more personal story that was rooted in my own reality, out came Emily Goldberg Learns to Salsa. “Emily” followed a Jewish Puerto Rican teen as she reconnected with her Latina roots over one summer of bonding with her borriqua family.

Though I was getting closer to events of my own life, the story still took the stance that Emily’s Judaism and religious beliefs were fully intrinsic to her, fully integrated. Again, it was the experience of other that my character sought more proactively.

Several years later, my brother David approached me with the idea of co-creating an “illustrated novel” that featured yeshiva boys turned wanna-be rock stars. After hearing his pitch, I was hooked. And this past July, So Punk Rock (and Other Ways to Disappoint Your Mother) released to a lovely response, in particular from the Jewish reviewer set.

so punk rock and other ways to disappoint your motherPunk Rock deals more directly with questions of religious and cultural identity, and my protagonist, Ari, comes to many of the same conclusions that I have about my own faith. I had no idea, sitting down at the computer, that I had so much to say about my own spirituality, but “Punk Rock” is by far my favorite of my own creations.

The best reviews I’ve read have talked about the book taking Judaism and relating it to teens in a contemporary way, as opposed to the canon of didacticism that permeates classic Jewish kid-lit. Sure, I was raised on the All of a Kind Family, but it’s nice for today’s readers to have modern options. And I’m proud of myself and my brother for having provided that to teens.

Of course, we’re far from the only ones writing accessible, realistic fiction. Here are a few of my own favorites from the past few years. These are the writers who influenced me as an author, editor, teacher, and student—I’m thrilled to recommend them and excited to be joining their ranks on the bookshelves.

Never Mind the Goldbergs, Matthue Roth

This one’s a no-brainer. Matthue’s book was the first one I read when beginning to shape my narrative for So Punk Rock. And it’s proof positive that authors can share a sensibility and still create very vivid and unique stories. Matthue’s story follows an Orthodox teen as she cuts a fantastic path to show biz. What I love about it most is that Hava’s religious observance is a done deal, and handled very matter-of-factly, but that certainty doesn’t shield her from the moral conundrums that evolve as her celebrity dreams take form.

You Are So Not Invited to my Bat Mitzvah!, Fiona Rosenbloom

Technically “tween,” this is a story that makes no bones about its ethnic groundings, and trusts its readership to be savvy enough to be able to relate to the central event regardless of cultural background or religion. Bat Mitzvah Stacy’s d’var Torah takes on the concept of Tikkun Olam, perhaps the most accessible of the principles of Judaism. The book is also hilariously funny and rife with of-the-minute pop-culture references. Mazel tov, Stacy!

How to Ruin A Summer Vacation, Simone Elkeles

Simone’s books are also put out by my most punk rock publisher, Flux, and if they aren’t the only full-on Jewish “chick lit” books out they’re, they’re for sure some of the very best. Poor Amy is sent to stay on a moshav in Israel with her estranged father over the course of one ill-fated summer, despite the fact that she doesn’t even consider herself to be Jewish. It’s rare to read a story set in modern-day Israel that takes such a lighthearted, teen-friendly approach to the setting without whitewashing the scenery and the reality of life there at all.

Goy Crazy, Melissa Schorr

This one also falls squarely into the “commercial” camp, but I really enjoy that it tackles a serious topic — inter-dating — with a light touch. When David and I have had the opportunity to present Punk Rock to teens, dating outside of the religion is one topic that seems to spark a lot of interest. Rachel does question the consequences of dating a non-Jew, and realizes that there may, in fact, be ripple effects beyond her bubbe’s personal reaction.

Head Case, Sarah Aronson

A cautionary tale that lends real-life relevance to the notion of t’shuva. I’m a sucker for dark fiction, and though released in ’07, this one meshes nicely with the latest trend toward big-time gravity in young adult fiction. Sarah is a former Vermont College classmate of mine, and I do want to also give props to an institution that concerns itself with the intersection of readability and “importance.” Punk Rock might never have come to be if it weren’t for the encouragement and enthusiasm of my advisors.

Micol Ostow is a young adult writer living and working in New York City. If she were any more kosher, she’d be totally traif. Or so they say. Visit Micol at www.micolostow.com, and come back all week to see her and her brother David’s blogs.

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Luke Top: The Fool’s Gold Interview

Despite the fact that Fool’s Gold is a band from Los Angeles –or maybe because of it–it’s notable that, when lead singer Luke Top starts singing, I start having flashes of my year living in the Jerusalem Shuk.

luke topTop, an expatriate Israeli, moved to Los Angeles with his family when he was three years old. He has a voice that is equal parts soul music and indie-pop, and besides his burgeoning solo career, his new band Fool’s Gold just released their debut self-titled album on IAmSound Recordings. It’s a mix of Caribbean rhythms, thumping pit-of-your-stomach rock, and reggae harmonies. And, yes, the lyrics are nearly all Hebrew–although, as Top describes it, it’s very much his own version of Hebrew. Like Sigur Ros’s fusion of Icelandic and English (the band calls its mix “Hopelandic”), Top’s Hebrew-English fusion is characteristic of a much deeper confusion…and, with it, a celebration.

“It’s confusing, to be in the west, and try to make sense of all the chaos happening in the Middle East,” he says. “I mean, a lot of my family has been through the Israeli army system, wars, and I’m over here enjoying air conditioning, eating hamburgers, and making music. It’s the sacrifice my family made to leave their home and bring me to the U.S.”

MyJewishLearning: What’s it like singing in a language that most of the people around you don’t understand?

Luke Top: It actually amazes me that we haven’t experienced any resistance to it. On the flip side, people in the audience who don’t know Hebrew might start singing along, which is a very beautiful thing when it happens.

Did you grow up around a lot of other Israelis or Jews? What was it like, socially and musically?

I was born in Israel and was moved to the U.S. at the age of three. I grew up in a sort of spiritual purgatory in Los Angeles. I didn’t quite feel Israeli but also was sort of estranged from the American culture around me. This tension definitely focused my attention at an early age, perhaps leading me to play music and seeking out worlds beyond. As far as my Jewishness is concerned, I always (and still do) feel very tied to the culture and the people.

What drew you to African music in the first place? Do you play with a lot of other African bands?
Something I especially love about African music is that there is so much of it that is influenced by American pop and rock. This intersection of tradition and aesthetics is enthralling to me- and not just in African music. You can hear it in Brazilian Tropicalia, Korean pop, Turkish Psychedelic music, etc. Although I’ll never really know why I’m so drawn to it, the experience of playing in Fool’s Gold is a good path to finding out.

What inspired the song “Yam Lo Moshech?” It feels almost prayer-like, although on the surface, it’s not about anything but existing…

This song is about a moment. One where you realize everything in your life, in that instance, is simply ok: “Ha Yam Kvar Lo Moshech” (the tide isn’t pulling me), “Ve Ha geshem lo yored” (and the rain isn’t falling). These moments can be both rewarding and shocking, especially after overcoming a conflict. Therein lies the melancholy and triumphant mood of the song. And lots of beach imagery.
Do you tell your bandmates what you’re singing about? How soon into writing a song do the lyrics come?

Absolutely. Especially when I ask them to sing group vocals in Hebrew, its makes sense that they know what the purpose is. I typically will start with a concept and try to let the music assist me in shaping the ebb and flow of the lyrics.

Check out Fool’s Gold’s video for “Surprise Hotel” here, or get their self-titled debut album now.

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Best Of The Week

Here we go. What didn’t we do this week? Well, for one, we didn’t write about Maimonides-related Halloween costumes. Oh wait, we did.

If I were to have a time machine, and believe me, it’s on my list of things to get, I’d DEFINITELY go to Eastern Europe between the years 1700-1914. Why you ask? I just miss traditional Jewish life there. After reading this, I’m sure you’ll agree.

I read A.J. Jacobs’ Year of Living Biblically a couple months ago and I thought it was unbelievable. Then Matthue decided to ask him for an interview literally hours before I was going to e-mail him asking for my own interview. You snooze you lose, Jeremy. You snooze you lose.

Kosherfest sounds like a dream. A wonderful, gluttonous dream. This year, Tamar was lucky enough to go and live blog for us. Once again, Jeremy, you snooze you lose.

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Paul Rudnick: The Man Who Tells Bette Midler What to Say

There is no better introduction to Paul Rudnick’s book of essays, I Shudder, than its subtitle: And Other Reactions to Life, Death, and New Jersey. And there is nowhere that this description is more apt than the first essay: in which Rudnick tells his life story — a common story, really, of being a writer and moving to the Big City and coming out as a gay man — through a series of visits, by his mother and her two sisters, of his West Village apartments.

i shudder paul rudnickRudnick has a gift for writing about any situation — whether facing off against a movie producer high on cocaine or being a Jew doing fieldwork at a convent for a film script (Sister Act) or emigrating from New Jersey to Manhattan — with good humor and total nonchalance. More remarkably, he shares that sort of easy wisdom with his characters. He doesn’t offer a coming-out story so much as an understanding, sometimes silent and sometimes not, and even the darker sides of his new New York neighborhood are treated with a gentle glibness by his aunts: “‘S and M,’ said Lil, nodding her head. ‘That’s when people like to have other people beat them up, right? Like on dates?’”

Aunt Lil, the don of the Rudnick aunt mafia, reappears again and again in these stories. When Rudnick finally achieves the Jewish dream of dating a doctor, his Aunt Lil is the judge and jury to whom he must present his new acquisition. The comic tension is insurmountable, of course — not so much because of the doctor’s gender, male, so much as his name, John — and the ensuing conclusions about his religion.

And then there are the essays that don’t dwell on the Jew stuff at all. Reading about the making of the Addams Family film is a bit of gleeful joy that arouses both my sycophantic goth side and my faux-pas-friendly flamboyant side. Reading Bette Midler stories during the writing of Sister Act (she was contracted to star in the film, until the last moment) is pure joy. His series of grumpy-old-man meditations — well, meditations, fashion tips, and plots to assassinate Rachel Ray — are a weird series of interstitial fantasies that make the rest of his essays that much more vividly real.

Most compelling of all, however, is “Good Enough to Eat,” which, though it’s entirely devoid of gastrointestinal jokes, is no less a quintessentially Jewish musing on food than anything you’re likely to find on Seinfeld or the humor bank:

An unlikely number of people, and particularly my family, have always been obsessed with my diet. This is because, since I was born, I have never had the slightest interest in eating any sort of meat, fish, poultry, or vegetable. I wasn’t the sad-eyed victim of some childhood trauma; I was never frightened by a malevolent tube steak or a rampaging halibut. A greasy-haired stranger never lured me into his van and forced me to stroke an ear of corn while he took photos. I don’t have what daytime talk shows and the Healthy Living sections of newspapers call food issues. What I have is a sweet tooth which has spread to all of my other organs. I probably have a sweet appendix.

I’ve always thought that David Sedaris was Jewish, even when I’ve been corrected by people much more in the know than I. Paul Rudnick has done more than enough to convince me — not that Sedaris is Jewish, but that Rudnick is actually David Sedaris. It’s good, and so is he.

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Wise Fridays: Professional Development

wise fridays: sharpen the reception on your WiFri

Rabbi Judah says: Whoever does not teach his son a trade or profession teaches him to be a thief.

–Babylonian Talmud, Kiddushin 29a

Find more Wise Fridays wisdom on MJL.

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Back On The Kanye Train!

Oh Taylor Swift. You were doing so well. Everyone loved you and your innocent ways. You even went on The View. It doesn’t get much better than that.

But you crazy celebrities just can’t handle being on top. While everyone hates Kanye West for ruining your “moment” at the VMAs, you had to one up him. And it’s a shame. Because I’m a fan. I even wrote about you in support.

Now TMZ has published this photo from Katy Perry’s birthday party, in which Taylor is pictured with some idiot kid with a HUGE swastika on his shirt. Of course, she isn’t wearing the shirt. And according to her publicist (not that we should believe anything a publicist says), Taylor took pictures with hundreds of people that night.

If that’s the case. Then Taylor Swift is one of the dumbest people in Hollywood.

Taylor Swift is stupid
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Hard Love for New York

I really can’t decide what to think of the new film New York, I Love You — except that I should probably see it before i make any judgment. The trailer looks stunning. But the web clips of the segment “Kosher Vegetarian,” its segment about Hasidic Jews, make me wince — although it’s scripted by Suketu Mehta, who wrote the amazing book Maximum City.

So that’s why I decided to ask Rabbi Elli.

natalie portman kosher vegetarian

Elli Meyer is known as Hollywood’s go-to Hasidic Jew, with hundreds of credited and uncredited roles in everything from The Sorpranos to 27 Dresses. He appeared in the film’s Hasidic Jewish sequence — in which Natalie Portman appears as a Satmar Hasid. He sent out a mini-review to his mailing list of Shomer Shabbos Actors of America — and now he’s agreed to share it with the rest of the world.

It was an okay film, not great. Our sequence (the Hasidic Jeweler sequence) is one of the best, but again not great. The dialogue is pretty ridiculous. Abe Karpen is VERY well featured and seen again at the end of the film. The film is VERY blatantly missing Black, Latino and Gay sequences…

The whole film is very dark. It was all filmed in Feb, March and April and shows NY to be very wet and blah. Very little color, and we know NY is VERY colorful. The editing leaves a LOT to be desired, very choppy. It is also out of sequence and sometimes hard to follow because the scenes are short and we don’t get enough time to know who the characters are. The music is amazing and that makes a huge difference in watching the movie. Actually, it is the saving grace of the entire piece. The two most outstanding pieces are most definitely the Prom and the Older Couple. Ours would be my third favorite.

I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

Below is a short behind-the-scenes take with Mira Nair (who directed the Jewish segment, as well as Monsoon Wedding, a brilliant movie about religious families of a different sort). You also get a short glimpse of the flirtation — which feels forced here, but is hopefully different in the actual film — between a religious Jain and a Hasid, who’s played (with hardcore awesome Israeli accent!) by Natalie Portman.


Portman’s other beau in the film was played by a Hasidic actor who got in trouble with his community for appearing in the short film. One of the New York tabloids blew the story completely out of proportion, of course — but apparently, he didn’t drop out (that was the newspapers’ hot air) and it didn’t affect the final product at all. I have to say, as excited as I am to see Ms. Portman frumming it up, I’m more excited to see Grand Rabbi Elli in action at the wedding dance.

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