What’s So Sexy About Jews?

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We can all agree that Jews are sexy. But what makes the People of the Book so hot? Is it the male pattern balding? The gentle bosoms? The brains? The way we celebrate momentous occasions?

Over at The Hairpin two awesome ladies are playing do/dump/marry with Rahm Emanuel, Hugh Laurie, and Anthony Bourdain. Guess who they decide to do?

Rahm is truly the bone wolf of Silver Jews, isn’t he? (No David Berman homo.) He speaks to the agricultural kibbutz capability, the machine gun swagger, and the nationalist fury that Hebrews would have more firmly and historically embedded into our DNA had we had the benefit of our own country for longer than approximately the same amount of time that’s passed since psychoanalysis was invented. Incidentally, which modernist development is more controversial? Psychology or Zionism? It is a question that, along with hubris and everything bagels, is the only thing keeping Phillip Roth alive today.

But Rahm is an ACTION JEW, which is compelling and exotic and thoroughly, essentially, beautifully boneable. Do I need to mention power? Do I need to talk about it? I can, and I will and I have, but it’s not to remind men how Machiavellian THEY think WE are (bitches be wanting men who can all “carry themselves” and “form a sentence” and “provide for their families by demonstrating expertise in their line of work” and “cause you inhale sharply just by entering a room in a suit and, at the same time, have something important to do IN THAT ROOM”), because how dare we for not just wanting a squeezable pair of tushy buns atop two muscle stems, or whatever it is guys like about Eva Longoria.

I also wish to add that the reason Rahm has a missing finger part is because he lost it in a roast beef slicer when he worked at Arby’s in high school. Oh, and his middle name is Israel. Therefore! Blessed art thou, Lord our God, King of the Universe — may Rahm and I boning cause Yasser Arafat to not only roll in his grave, but also to find Yitzhak Rabin in ghost form and shake his goddamn hand again, in a spiritual reenactment of Rahm’s accomplishment when both were on Earth and Rahmbo got Clinton on Team Florida.

I think they hit so much on the head here, but especially the whole nationalist fury/power/obvious Jewiness. However, I will say that I personally would marry Rahm and do Hugh, not least because I am actually friends with one of Rahm’s nieces, and I think it would be weirder to do one of my friends’ uncles than to marry one of my friends’ uncles. Don’t you agree? Also, let’s hope she never reads this blog post.

And just a note: other things that are sexy about Jews (girls) according to non-Jewish guys who have hit on me:
Our hair
How we know the language of Jesus (this really only works on the daughter of an Aramaicist, which it turns out I am)
That god loves us best
That we went to Jew camp (unfortunately for the guy trying this line, I never went to Jew camp)
That we can hold our liquor (really?)
That we are well endowed (literally/figuratively)
That we are good in the kitchen
That we are shomer fucking shabbos

Posted on November 18, 2010

Note: The opinions expressed here are the personal views of the author. All comments on MyJewishLearning are moderated. Any comment that is offensive or inappropriate will be removed. Privacy Policy

24 thoughts on “What’s So Sexy About Jews?

  1. judith

    Totally ridiculous article and not worthy of your web site. I had planned to forward this email for it’s Chanukah content, but after reading about “sexy Jews” I decided to delete it instead.

    Shame on you.

  2. Mordecai

    After reading the article I was appalled at how it was written, with the language that was used that was inappropriate to use on a website like this one. Please if this site is to be a reliqous oriented site let’s keep it that way. No more articles withe this kind of language, ie; the sexual innuendos.

  3. moxamomma

    To Tamar Fox and any other writers who think they are cool, hep, smart? This venue “My Jewish Learning” site is not the place you dump your obscenities and vile attitudes. I frequently forward this mail I get from ‘ My Jewish Learning’ to non Jewish friends and reltives, and to my Jewish grandchildren who can never get enough education. It does not matter what age in time we are in, I am not a prude, been around long enough to have seen and heard, not all, but most. Go wash your mouth and mind out with soap, and I hope you are forbidden to contribute any more of your garbage. Also, SHAME on you using the F… word in relation to SHABBOS. Hey, Tamar Fox, ..You’re a foul mouthed idiot , save your gutter talk for the gutter, and stop adding more fuel for antisemitism.I am ashamed that I even read your article and I guess it would be safer and kinder to those I care about, not to forward any of the mail I get from this website unless they clean up their act.

  4. Sandra Conrad

    With all due respect, I have many Jewish friends and because of their love for Jehovah, they are careful to not insult people with filthy words. Please be careful, the “F” word and other profanities are not necessary to get your point across. God bless Israel.

  5. Richard

    I was disappointed and even shocked to find this material on MJL, and written by Ms Fox. Jews don’t need ‘outside’ enemies, we do such a good job of destroying our own credibility and push ourselves into the degeneratecy of the ‘Nations’. If this is the standard to which MJL has fallen, we now wish to terminate our subscription. It is certainly no ‘My (our) Jewish Leaning.

  6. Anita Wright

    I really did enjoy this website—- until this posted. I know that filth is in the world, but why does this website allow it. I first watched the Rabbi explain how to wear the prayer shaw and was led by curiosity(?) to see who is some of the hebrews I don’t know about. I didn’t know Hugh Laurie was. I can not believe I am the only person to find this “blog post” on this site OFFENSIVE. AND am I the only person in the world to know that Clinton FORCED Rabin to shake the hand of the murderer Arafat?

  7. dorothy robinson

    I disagree with your choice of Rahm Emanuel. The other two examples you have chosen have a TV personae. Mr. Emanuel demonstrates his real character in what he says and does. He is the kind of Jewish boy child who has been spoiled, not only in superficial ways but in his character and behavior. He appears to be vulgar and inconsiderate. He may have license to be so, but I don’t think he looks crude and speaks like a hooligan. He is a bad lover.

  8. Julia

    I am disappointed in this artical. I, like the others above who have already posted, find what you wrote offensive. I have enjoyed and learned alot from this website in the past. But after reading this I am not sure I will donate anymore or continue to visit. I held this site in high regard till now. I will be more cautious from now on and perhaps find another that better regards the english language and HaShems’ Shabbat.

  9. Sonja

    I am not Jewish but hold Jews in high esteem for their wisdom, fortitude, humor, brilliance, and kindness. A Jewish family befriended me in my first year of college and became the family I never had. One that taught me valuable and unforgettable life truths. It is for this reason I find this article a shanda, an embarrassment. It goes against the intrinsic values I have come to associate with good and responsible Jews. What were you thinking to put this out there?

  10. maggie

    I’m failing to see what everyone is so riled up-is it because TF is talking about sex, or because she’s a woman talking about sex, or because she’s talking about Jews and stereotypes and
    sex? Folks seem to have a rather confined concept of what qualifies as “learning.”(It might involve stretching your brain a bit, even when you’re uncomfortable.)

  11. Craig

    I am so disappointed. I came here hoping to find a nice article about sexy jews, and I was shocked and appalled to find the use of the following words:

    Sex (this is forgivable)
    Jews (careful missy)
    well-endowed (What! It’s a shonda!)
    Jew camp (hey now!)
    Jesus (..on a JEWISH website? SHONDA SIKES)
    The F*** word (HELP ME SHONDA, HELP-HELP- ME SHONDA, GET HER OUTTA MY HEART)

    We need to instill values in our children. Let us stone Tamar Fox like the heathen succubus-kapo she is.

  12. treyfe

    Kopfsplosion! First of, Jews are sexy? why wasn’t i told? Changing my last name to Bacon, dying my hair, so many expenses I could have avoided (yes, Jews still are cheap.) Second, Jewish women find Jewish men sexy? And some more than others! Here I had been blaming every Jewish chick who wasn’t attracted to me on her internalized anti-Semitism but it turns out I may have just been less hot than Rahm Emmanuel. And finally, Jewish women know how to accurately quote the Big Lebowski, that most Jewish of films? Why that makes me want to do, marry, and dump them all at once!

  13. Andrea

    Tamar, doesn’t your list play into the whole “marry a nice Jewish boy, but have fun with lots of gentiles while you can” stereotype? For shame! Jewish men are sexy enough to be playthings, too!
    (Anyway, you should let me marry Rahm…I can cement his claim to Chicago residency. Just sayin’.)

  14. Kamy

    I don’t understand all the fuss, you guys. Ms. Fox seems to be incorporating a number of modern cultural references into her discussion of Jewish sexiness – what’s the harm? Anyone under 30 has played this game before, and anyone over 10 knows that “faith” isn’t the only F-word. And watch the Big Lebowski before you judge it: faith is complicated, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be funny.

  15. Brian

    I found this posting offensive for the following reasons:

    -Jews shouldn’t be talking about sex unless it is being said through a sheet with holes cut in it. The internet makes this trickier but I”m sure someone could have figured out how to make this work.
    -If such a virtual sheet is available than I would like to say that I was a bit shocked and disappointed that there was no option for a four way with all of the men and the author.
    -Finally I found this posting offensive for using the word “boning” when it clearly hasn’t been used since the late 90′s.

    People, please, can we lighten up a bit?

    -Brian

  16. Tamar Fox Post author

    I hate to offer one of those non-apology apologies, but… I’m sorry this post offended so many people. That said, it was meant to be a light-hearted and snarky post about Jews and sex-appeal. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, but it’s not good or bad enough to warrant the vitriol that it has received. Let’s all maybe chill out a little bit. Perhaps we can unite under the banner of finding Anthony Bourdain unpalatable?

  17. Sam

    Looks like it’s one of those things where a lot more prudish old folk are reading the site than you think at first. So it goes. I think people don’t need to be clutching their pearls at mild profanity, myself.

    All that being said, I disagree with the basic assessment of Rahm because I don’t find ruthlessness or Realpolitik sexy. Maybe it’s just me.

  18. susieQ

    Indeed not indicative of this website. I was very saddend to see this article. PLEASE no more!! Especially when asking for donations to keep the site going.

  19. Dov

    Never underestimate the humorlessness of blog commenters. Anyone who’s read Tamar’s work before knows she’s written far more outlandish and entertaining things in the past.

  20. Donna

    I’m a convert to Judaism and “I” am appalled. This is unworthy of a teaching website. Do a better job nextime with non religious articles.

  21. Anonymous

    Not surprised with your ‘assessment’ of Rahm since he’s a regular spouter of the “F” word also.

    I am not Jewish, but am a Christian and love learning about the Jewish history, language, culture, etc…

    I must say…I am quite offended and just as much ‘shocked’ that on THIS site, your foul-mouth would be allowed. Have you no shame? God hears EVERYTHING! Tsk, tsk. I can still taste the soap from my early years when I dared say a word much less shocking and grandma heard it. Where’s your grandma?

  22. Rhonda

    Above this box where I am typing, it says, “Any comment that is offensive or inappropriate will not be approved.” REALLY? I cannot wait to find out what this site manager considers ‘offensive’ or ‘inappropriate’ after reading all the offensive things said from Ms. Fox’s article. Hmm…

    I must say, this is the first time I’ve been offended and disappointed in an article from My Jewish Learning. And one more point; I am NOT and never will be, interested in learning anything more this Jewish gal’s teaching here.

  23. Rhonda

    You know what? Here’s a good rule of thumb for Ms. Fox or anyone. If you wouldn’t dare say it looking face-to-face with God don’t say it at all.

    Bible speaks NOT in favor of foul language. One’s ‘speech’ gives a sneak peek into one’s self. This article was at the least, disgusting and irrelevant. SOme things should be left to your own thoughts and not assumed anyone else would want to hear it.

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