Jewish Food Tourney: #6 Apples & Honey vs #11 Matzah, #7 Hamentashen vs #10 Gefilte Fish

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5 matches. No upsets. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles sometimes. I tried to push for Manischewitz Wine, but no one bought it.

In today’s first match, we got a bit of a stinker. We first have #6 Apples & Honey. That is a high ranking. I’m not really sure what I was thinking. Yeah, it’s good. While I loath honey on my challah, blending the different levels of sweetness of the honey and apple is quite scrumptious.

But there is no cooking involved. Technically, you don’t even need utensils. I don’t have anything else to say because this is the most one dimensional team…sorry, food….I’ve ever seen.

I guess it does have Jewish significance. It is definitely very Jewish to eat apples and honey. No one disputes that. But if this were a competition of Jewish significance, it would lose hands down to its opponent, #11 Matzah.

Luckily, for Apples and Honey, Matzah is gross. There was much debate as to where Matzah should have been ranked. You can’t NOT put it in the tournament. Then again, it sucks. But the 16th seed? That just seems cruel.

One thing should be noted here: If Matzah wins, it will face Challah in the 2nd round, which would be the greatest mismatch of all time.

In the afternoon match, we first have #7 Hamentashen. Two ways to look at these cookies. First way: The best part of Mishloah Manot. Which brings me to a sidepoint. When sending a gift basket for Purim, Passover, etc. no one, and I mean no one, likes kosher dark chocolate. Don’t send it. You just anger the people you send it to.

But here’s my issue with Hamentashen. Aren’t they just a camouflaged sugar cookie? If we had a desert tournament, would sugar cookie be ranked #7? Of course not. Also it’s named after someone who wanted to kill all the Jews. People will argue that it is actually German for poppy seeds, but still. You don’t see me chowing down on Hitler Cakes.

Its competitor is #10 Gefilte Fish. I personally would have liked to rank this much higher. Why? Good Gefilte Fish is amazing. It’s sweet. It isn’t made out of vegetables. The horseradish on top is divine.

So why ranked so low? Gefilte Fish has a horrible doppleganger known as “Manischewitz Gefilte Fish.” This creature goes by the name of Gefilte Fish, but is anything but. I can’t even describe its flavor. Is it salty? Kind of. It has its own taste.

If that weren’t enough, it c0mes surrounded by this horrible jelly that I believe is also used by doctors during ultrasounds.

Voting closes whenever I feel like it.



Posted on January 5, 2009

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